Tears raced along my cheeks, and I had no intentions on stopping them. I missed his presence, his face, his smell… I missed him. I wasn’t mad that he didn’t come home. I knew I fucked up.
I extended my arm with the note in tow. Before I messed up again, he needed to know why I came off so hostile.
He slow walked toward me and took the note from me. A kiss was placed among the trail of tears on my cheek. Wiping away my tears, he said, “Stop crying.” I gave a small nod and attempted to honor his request.
As he read the letter, his demeanor changed. His eyes went from soft and inviting to those of a monster. In that moment, the name Hades that he’d been called came into mind.
I started to take almost unnoticed steps back. Mad men scared me. Jourdell was the devil when that emotion was present. I briefly saw Christian upset a few months ago, but this was different.
“Don’t back away from me. I won’t hurt you Mama,” he spoke without looking up from Galleria’s words.
Apology after apology was what I wanted to voice. I didn’t know what he was thinkin’, but what I did know was I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his destruction. No matter what he said, I was terrified.
“You’re frightenin’ me, Christian.”
“You shouldn’t be. Go pack, and don’t question me,” he said, then walked off toward the bedroom.
The number of attempts to say somethin’ to him added up. Each response I had to his demands went unspoken. Testing the waters was somethin’ I learned not to do.
He helped me pack with no exchange of words. The vibe was weird, and I wasn’t used to silence. He maneuvered throughout the condo, making no eye contact. In a way, I felt like I was in trouble.
“I’m ready,” I said and stood by the elevator, not knowin’ what to do next.
His silence was eating me alive. A simple head nod was granted, and I didn’t know how to take it. I watched as he walked toward me with no luggage of his own.Turmoil.Why was I the only one packed?
“Let’s go.”
“No. Christian, tell me what’s goin’ on. Why am I leavin’? Are you puttin’ me out? Is this your way of sayin’ fuck me politely? Like what the fuck!” I was back to yelling.
My bags were grabbed, and he walked past me ignoring my list of questions. How I was being treated was hurtful. Him tellin’ me to get out how he did once before would’ve been better than this.
I wiped away the tear that started to fall. I refused to keep givin’ people my tears who gave me their ass to kiss. Christian was presenting himself to be just like everyone else.
I followed behind and kept a distance between us on the elevator. When it was time to get in the car, I took the back seat.
He looked back and smirked, then shook his head. I was still confused on what was happenin’ but fuck him right now.
We rode to Chattanooga in silence. No music or conversation was offered. He wanted to be an asshole instead of talkin’ to me, which was perfectly fine. However, once I started playin’ too, his feelings were gon’ be hurt.
I caught his eyes on me through the rearview more than once. I smiled to myself each time. He could act ugly all he wanted, but his concern was still shown.
A call came through on the dashboard, and I got a peek of the name. He let it ring as if he wasn’t goin’ to answer the call. I quickly reached to the front and hit the button. He had no choice but to speak now.
Christian gave me death glares, and I ignored every single one of them. The fuck he thought. There was no talkin’ in private where I was the topic.
“Gills,” he said with his eyes still on me.
“Hey, Pastor. I was just callin’ to apologize for what happened the other day when you stopped by. It wasn’t supposed to go down like that.”
My eyes were locked in on him, and he wore a clenched jaw. I didn’t give a fuck how mad his ass was. I wanted to know when and why the fuck did he go see my father.
“You must be hard of hearing. I said don’t hit my line no more.”
“I know, I know, but I need your help. What you said was the truth. There is no Spot without you. I’m beggin’ for another chance, Pastor. Help me get my baby girl back,” Jourdell pleaded.
Christian no longer gave me his attention. Instead, he told that fuck nigga, “Give me some time. Ain’t no promises though,” and hung up.
I was appalled at his response. He knew how I felt but was conspiring with my enemy. I sat back with anger runnin’ through my veins. He and Jourdell both had me fucked up.
