She brought her lips down, making a connection and letting her tongue entwine with mine. The mint on her tongue was refreshing. The kiss had me losing all righteous ways. My hands made their way up her thighs, stopping at her peach, squeezing lightly. She felt so good in my hands.
Her legs straddled me, and my manhood felt the dampness between her folds. I almost cursed when she adjusted herself, gettin’ as close as she could to me.My God don’t forsake me.
I mustered up enough strength to break the kiss.
“Journei, you’re married, and I need to go repent.”
“My wife disrespected our marriage, so why should I care?”
I stood up with her in my arms and placed her down on the bed. She wasn’t about to use me. I walked over to my bag and dressed quickly. It was wrong, and I couldn’t backslide. She was gon’ be my downfall if I didn’t stay away.
Her eyes stayed locked on me the whole time. Grabbing my bag and keys, I proceeded to the door.
“You’re vulnerable right now. Regardless of how bad I want you, I will not disrespect your marriage nor you.” I grabbed the door handle when she ran to stop me.
“Gills, I’m sorry. Can we just talk… please?” she spoke in a quivering tone.
I was definitely goin’ against my better judgment, but I agreed. I sat in the chair my gym bag once occupied after she let me know she was clothed.
“Sit with me. I promise I won’t try anything.” She patted the empty spot on the bed.
The shorts she wore exposed her soft legs while the wife beater did the same for her arms, revealing my newfound weakness. I didn’t think she knew what her vitiligo truly did to a person. I took the seat she offered with my nerves on ten. I felt like I owed her an explanation for stopping her attempt of a sexual encounter.
“Journei, when I tell you I’m a man of God, that’s not me saying I’m a Christian. I’m a pastor and have been for the past five years.”
Her mouth instantly dropped, and her eyes took on the size of saucers. She was in shock, which I knew would happen. Most people heardpastorand overthought everything they did around them. I wanted my people to still be themselves and change when ready. My example would or wouldn’t be enough.
“I just tried to fuck on a pastor. I’m goin’ straight to hell. Oh, shit, did I just curse? I didn’t mean to say fuck or shit. Damn it… I’m still doin’ it. I meant…” She was tripping over her words.
Her trying to correct herself relaxed me a lil’ bit. It meant she had some type of respect for me. It actually brought a smile to my face. I reached over and grabbed her hand. Journei was in the process of rerouting her vocabulary and actions when I didn’t want that.
“Don’t do that. I’m not that type of pastor. You can talk and act like yourself. I won’t ever ask you to change who you are. You see how wild Hunz is, and he’s still my brotha. I don’t love him any less. Relax, beautiful.”
Tears were threatening to fall. Her pain from her wife was new, but that was just added to the pile of pain she didn’t talk about. The sadness she carried pulled at my heart. I didn’t want to see her wear that. She was too beautiful to be anything other than happy.
“You’re right. I am vulnerable. My wife really hurt me.” She paused the flow of her words and took in what she said. Journei was hurting from the actions of her wife. Adultery was usually the cause of failed marriages. I hated this for her.
“Don’t ever get revenge. It’s not worth it,” I voiced.
“If I lay some shit out that’s always on my mind, you can’t judge me, right? Being a pastor and all…” I let her know I wouldn’t, so she continued. “I’m a puzzle with five thousand pieces. The only thing people have been able to do is create my border. My insides will take time to put together. Gills, I?—”
“My name is Christian. You deserve more than just a last name,” I said, cutting her off.
“Christian… I’m one messed-up person. These tattoos cover scars from my past. Scars from suicide attempts. Imagine being eleven, losing your mom to the hands of your dad. Then being next in line for the beatings. Jourdell Evans abused his only child, his daughter, like I didn’t share his DNA. Dying seemed easier than living at the time. On my last attempt, I was almost across the finish line. He rushed me to a hospital and confessed about my mother’s death, granting him thirteen years in prison. You know that bastard beat and chased her to the top of the stairs, then pushed her into the glass table, making her hit the side of her head on the sharp corner? When I asked him why he didn’t love me or my mother, he said he loved my mother. It’s me he didn’t want. After that, I tried to kill myself every day.”
I sat there and listened to her talk. “You never know what someone’s goin’ through” had always been a statement I believed. Just because someone didn’t speak on it didn’t mean itwasn’t affecting them. Different coping techniques for different individuals.
“You made it out of that, Journei. You’re married with friends and family that love you.” I tried to shed light on her present.
“My wife showed me exactly how much she loved me and what she thought of our marriage. Alexis fucked up big time. I can take a lot of shit, but I refuse to let her get that one off. She don’t get to run over me like I’m trash. Sadly, I believe Alexis’s cheating is her payback.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, payback for what, Journei?”
She stood and walked to the dresser. I watched her every movement with enthralled eyes. Her body was captivating, and the only flaw I saw was her not being mine.
“Ha! Funny story. I’ve never been attracted to men. My father ruined it for anything with a dick,” she spoke with her back to me for the first part of her answer. When she turned around, her nervousness was evident. Her head was down until she said, “Then one day, when I was leaving the mall, I bumped into a tantalizing man who ignited so many fires in me I didn’t know which one to put out first. Just my luck I see him again, and the same thing happens with my wife by my side. The way my body reacts to him would threaten any established foundation.”
I had no words for Journei after that. I simply got up, grabbed my things, and left. She didn’t attempt to stop me that go-round. We couldn’t be in the same space ever again. I had the willpower to remove myself that time. Next time, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to stop anything initiated.
