The wave of pleasure seemed to go on forever. She trembled with her face buried in my neck, her aftershocks tight around me. I held her flush against me, both of us breathing as though we’d run a marathon.
As the haze began to clear, she slowly moved to my side. I disposed of the condom and turned to face her, watching as she pulled the sheet up to cover herself. The sudden modesty was endearing, though I wished she felt comfortable enough to stay uncovered.
I wasn’t sure what to say. This felt too important for casual post-sex conversation. So I reached out and brushed my fingers against her cheek. I hoped she could feel the tenderness that swallowed me whole.
She closed her eyes. I wondered what she was thinking, what emotions were battling in her mind.
“You have no idea how much I wanted this,” I murmured, meaning every word.
When she opened her eyes, I made sure my gaze was serious, my tone sober. I needed her to understand this wasn’t just passion talking.
She moistened her lips, swollen from my kisses. “I wanted it, too. I just don’t know... I mean, do you think this was a good idea?”
I smiled, unable to help myself. “I think it was the best idea in the world. Why do you doubt it?”
She shrugged. “I don’t. I mean… I don’t want to overthink this. It was fun. It was great. Um…” Her eyes dropped to my chest tattoo. “I haven’t had this kind of fun in a long time.”
“Is fun a euphemism for sex?”
She nodded. I felt a surge of possessive satisfaction that she hadn’t been with anyone in a while.
I cupped her chin and kissed her lips gently. “I’m selfishly glad about that. And here’s an FYI for you: I always use a condom. Always. I’m responsible every single time, for both my sake and my partner’s.”
I could see her processing this information, probably thinking about my reputation. I’d never been ashamed of the number of women I’d dated, but now, for the first time, I wished they weren’t quite so many. The term ‘manwhore’ came to mind. I didn’t like it.
“That’s good to hear.” She cleared her throat. “I’ve always been responsible, too. You can never be too careful. I’m also on the pill.”
After a moment of silence, I reached out and took her hand, bringing it to my lips. This was too important not to be completely honest.
“This is very special for me, Jesse. I meant it when I said I wanted to focus on finding that special someone. I think it’s you. It’s been you since the moment I met you.”
I watched her throat work as she swallowed, clearly struggling with how to respond.
“I don’t know what to say, Sebastian.”
I rolled on top of her, cupping her face between my palms, needing her to understand. “Say you want to be mine.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jesse
Hours later, I lay in the dawning light, listening to Sebastian’s quiet breathing. It had been the best night of my life—not just the best sex, but the best night. So why was my chest so tight? Why wasn’t I sleeping with a satisfied smile the way Sebastian was?
I turned to look at him. The first rays of sun crept through the window. He looked peaceful and happy. And so damn beautiful. In sleep, he had an endearing innocence, impossible to associate with the man who’d literally screwed me all night long.
My heart throbbed painfully as I imagined all the women who’d lain here, watching him sleep. It was hard to take a man with Sebastian’s track record seriously. He said I was special, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t said it a million times before. Would I be special to him in a week or a month? Did I even want more out of this relationship? The intensity of my feelings scared me.
The only time I’d come close to being this crazy about someone had been with Alex. I had flashbacks to nights spent in the bathroom, holding his head while he puked his guts out from cocktails of meth and cheap whiskey. I’d slept on cold tiles more than once, fearing he might overdose or choke on his own vomit. What thanks had I gotten? Two black eyes and a concussion.
Shame filled me as I remembered those moments, that time of my life when I’d been a cowardly mess. I’d only stayed with him for a few weeks, but those had been a few weeks too long. I’d never told Dad about Alex’s abuse because he would have killed him. It would’ve been a shame for him to see his strong, brave girl reduced to a whimpering mess because she’d fallen for the wrong guy.
I squeezed my eyes shut. It didn’t matter now. I’d had enough spine to leave that scumbag, and I wasn’t going to let any other man treat me like that ever again. Although Sebastian was fun, the kind of abuse he could inflict on my heart was dangerous. I wasn’t going to let it happen.
Time for the walk of shame. I crept out of bed, moving slowly so as not to wake Sebastian. I really didn’t want to face him right now. I tiptoed toward the door, gathering my clothes as I went. I found my top and shorts, but couldn’t locate my panties in the dim light. I’d almost given up when I saw them hanging from the doorknob. Sebastian must’ve tossed them there with a vengeance.
I snatched them and walked quickly to the door. I stepped out, gently closing it behind me. I let out a relieved breath that turned into a yelp when I recognized the woman walking toward me. Her expression was a mixture of amusement and derision. Janine, Sebastian’s sister.
Shit! What the hell was she doing here at this hour?
