He wasn’t looking forward to it.
* * * *
TAYLOR DIDN’T GO FAR.He wasn’t sure his legs would take him far, but even more than that, he realized that part of him didn’t want to leave his mate behind.
His mate.What the fuck was happening?Taylor was straight.His mate was supposed to be a woman, and the man in Taylor’s bed very much wasn’t.
Taylor paced the hallway, but it wasn’t long before Jacob almost collided with him.Taylor didn’t want his best friend to get hurt, so he steadied him and resumed his pacing.He had too much energy, and he needed to get rid of some of it before he started screaming.He could feel Jacob watching him, but he was almost afraid to look at him.He didn’t know what to say.Jacob had to be worried, but how was Taylor supposed to tell him that his mate was a man?
Thankfully for Taylor, Jacob got distracted by his phone.He slid it out of his pocket and checked the screen, but unfortunately, it didn’t take nearly long enough for him to take care of whatever was there.
“Taylor?”Jacob asked after putting his phone back in his pocket.He spoke as if he was afraid to spook Taylor.It made Taylor want to laugh because he was already spooked.
Taylor continued pacing.“I’m straight,” he said.“I’ve only ever dated women.”
Jacob frowned.Taylor could only imagine how confused he was.“I know.”
Taylor reached up to run his hand through his hair, but his fingers got stuck.He grimaced.Hereallyneeded a shower.
He pulled out his fingers and turned toward the other end of the hallway.“I mean, I’m not homophobic,” he explained.“I can admit when a guy looks good.I might even have looked at a few of them, but I never felt the need to ask them out or anything like that.I would know if I wasn’t straight, right?”Jacob would know.He was gay.He could tell Taylor that this was all a mistake.
It wasn’t.There was no denying that the panda shifter smelled like Taylor’s mate.It didn’t make sense, but it didn’t have to.
“Some people don’t realize they’re not straight until later in life,” Jacob said.“Maybe you just hadn’t found the right man yet.Maybe there was more to it than you just watching hot guys, but you didn’t know.”
Taylor stopped in front of his best friend.That wasn’t the answer he’d wanted, dammit.He needed Jacob to tell him that he was straight and that all of this was a mistake.If it wasn’t, Taylor didn’t know who he was anymore.“You’ve known you were gay for a long time, though.”
“Yeah, but I think that’s because I’ve never been into women.There was no choice for me but to realize that at one point.If you feel attraction for men, it could mean that you’re bisexual.You like women, too, and it would’ve been easier for you to focus on that.You might not have noticed you like guys, too, until something happened.”
“That doesn’t feel possible.There’s no way I wouldn’t know.I haven’t been repressing part of myself for most of my life.I wouldn’t do that.”Taylor was sure he would have seen the signs.
“Sexuality isn’t binary.Maybe you’re mostly attracted to women, but a few guys do it for you.If being with guys freaks you out so badly, you can ignore it.”
Taylor snorted.“I wish I could ignore it.”
“What are you talking about?What’s going on?”
Taylor hesitated.He wanted to tell Jacob about the mate thing, but he didn’t know how Jacob would react.It wouldn’t be bad, but would it be what Taylor needed right now?He wasn’t even sure what he needed, to be honest.His life had been turned upside down, and he had no idea how to straighten it back up.
He wasn’t sure he could.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it,” Jacob said when Taylor didn’t explain.“But whatever happened, I’m here for you.I’m not going to leave just because you’re attracted to guys.It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend.It doesn’t change who you are.”
Taylor wasn’t sure about that, either.If he wasn’t straight, what was he?How could he not have known before meeting his mate?And beyond that, what did being bisexual, or whatever he seemed to be, mean?How would it change him?“It has to change something.”
“Why should it?Your sexuality and who you’re attracted to is only a tiny part of you.Since I’m your friend and nothing more, it’s a part I don’t really care about.I want you to be happy with whoever makes you feel that way, and it doesn’t change anything for me if it’s a man or woman.”
Of course it didn’t change anything for him.He wasn’t the one in Taylor’s position.Taylor almost told him that, but Jacob was trying to help, and Taylor couldn’t face this on his own.
He sighed and leaned against the wall.He needed the support because his legs felt like jelly.“It’s just a lot.”
“I can see that.”
“I don’t care about you being gay.”That wasn’t the problem there.Jacob was Jacob, and Taylor loved him just as he was.“Like you said, you’re my best friend, and who you’re with doesn’t change that.I’m glad that you met Tony and that you can be happy with him, and I don’t care that Tony’s a man or what you do in your bedroom.”He paused.“In fact, please don’t tell me.I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes at work.”
“I never had any intention of telling you what Tony and I do in our bedroom.”
Thank God for small mercies.Taylor could think of few things worse than imagining what his boss and his best friend got up to in their bedroom.
