‘What?’ Val asks, glancing aside.
‘I wanted to talk to you,’ I start.
‘Talk,’ he repeats sarcastically.
‘Yes, there’s something I have to tell you.’
‘It doesn’t bother me that you’ve never done it before,’ he declares.
And I don’t say anything.
I just don’t say anything.
It takes me a good three seconds to twig what he means. And another three for the disbelief and rage to rise inside me.
‘Oh, how nice that it doesn’t botheryou.’
Val seems surprised by my mood swing. He opens his mouth and frowns. ‘Wasn’t that what you wanted to hear?’
I laugh mirthlessly. ‘No, Val. Shit . . . Do you only say things because you think they’re what I want to hear?’ When he doesn’t answer, I run both hands over my face and take a deep breath. It’s no good: I can’t duck the nasty part of this conversation. ‘OK, whatever. That wasn’t what I wanted to say.’
‘So you’ve done it? With him?’ I hear the threatening slur in his voice and start to feel afraid. ‘Come on, tell me. It was with him, wasn’t it?’ Val laughs. ‘Of course it was him.’
‘I don’t know what business it is of yours, but no, I haven’t, if you really want to know,’ I snap.OK, well, I haven’t done THAT. . . I’ve done other things, though, and that’s what I need to tell him.
Val eyes me and I can see he doesn’t believe me. And I don’t care because, to be honest, there’s no reason why I should convince him. I made a mistake today but I don’t have to tell him whether or not I’ve ever slept with anyone else.
‘What’s the problem, then?’ His voice is cool and his eyes are drunken. Alcohol affects your self-control. Everyone knows that. And Val’s not the greatest at self-control even when he’s sober. It feels like chickening out, but I’m suddenly not sure if I should go through with this. I’m always in favour of telling the truth, but not at all costs. Not when I’m worried for my safety.
‘Tori,’ he says, more insistently.
‘Doesn’t matter.’
Wow.I should at least have come up with a better lie. Val’s eyes narrow as he looks at me.
‘What?’ he persists.
‘Val . . .’
‘You’ve got a guilty conscience,’ he says. ‘Is that it? You were so weird earlier. Have been for ages, to be honest. Since you’ve been seeing him the whole time at the rehearsals.’ Val steps towards me. ‘Are you cheating on me?’
‘No,’ I retort at once, but my voice sounds rather squeakier than normal.
‘Stop taking the piss.’
‘Val, I think it would be better to talk about this calmly.’ I glance around.
‘Tell me right now what’s going on,’ Val growls.
I can smell the booze on his breath. ‘I’d rather discuss it when you’re sober.’
‘And I want to know right fucking now.’
‘Val,’ I say quietly.
‘Tori, stop the bullshit!’
‘Everything OK over there?’ Eleanor’s still standing with her friends, but she’s looking in our direction.
