Eleanor glances at me. She smiles and it feels like a small victory that unites us for a while. But something else in her eyes scares me. A quiet warning, as if she knew who I was thinking about earlier. She’s Val’s ex: she must know what he’s like. And now he’s badmouthing her, which is one of the biggest red flags, if all the mental-health accounts I follow on Insta are to be believed. But nobody tells you how much harder it is to spot things in real life that sound so obvious in theory. And then to pluck up the courage to do something about it.
Yes, Val says problematic things, and his behaviour is dire. But he has his own demons to fight. And I’m looking for excuses for his behaviour. Another of those dangerous things.
‘OK, shall we go on?’ Florence asks.
I raise my head. I look into Sinclair’s face and my thoughts stop whirling.
I nod slowly.
11
SINCLAIR
Looks like I underestimated this whole drama club thing. We have group rehearsals three times a week – one of them is with Mr Acevedo for just Eleanor and me. Oh, and Tori because she’s assistant director and Fate apparently finds it amusing to stick me in a theatre with the woman I’m secretly in love withandthe one I’m pretending to be into to disguise that fact. Do I need to point out how awkward that is?
‘I hope you three realize that you’ll be spending a lot of time together over the next few months,’ says Mr Acevedo, as he walks up and down next to the stage. Tori’s sitting in the front row, one leg crossed over the other. We’ve been doing method-acting exercises and the rest of the group has already left. Today that meant getting rid of everybody’s inhibitions by spending an hour wandering aimlessly around on the stage and all yelling as loudly as possible at the imaginary audience.
I hadn’t thought that things could get any worse, but now Eleanor and I are meant to be acting a scene for just the two of us. It’s the first time Romeo and Juliet meet, and even before we get close to the kiss that’s still ahead of us, Mr Acevedo interrupts us.
‘OK, that will do.’ He raises his hand and I immediately take a few steps back from Eleanor. ‘I’ve seen enough. You’re playingprobably history’s greatest lovers, and I’d like us to be able to feel that from down here. Victoria,’ he looks at Tori, ‘are we feeling it yet?’
Tori’s eyes wander over me, then back to Mr Acevedo. ‘I think there’s room for improvement.’
‘Well, then, we’re in agreement.’ He turns his attention back to us. ‘I’m not demanding that you two fall madly in love with each other, just that you take your jobs on this stage seriously. Because it will only be then that the audience can take you seriously.’
Eleanor looks focused, but I’m mainly just sweating. I once heard that fear-sweat smells stronger than normal sweat. Please don’t let that be true. If, on top of everything else, I’m stinking the place out, I’ll never be able to look Ellie in the eyes again.
‘I want you two to get to know each other and you’re not going to do that on this stage but by spending time together. How you do that is up to you. Go for coffee, party together, I don’t mind, so long as you study each other and find out what makes the other person tick. Understood?’
Tori stares at her notes.
‘Got that, Charles?’
‘Yes.’ I clear my throat. Eleanor gives me an uncertain smile.
‘Wonderful. Do you enjoy giving presentations?’
‘Sorry?’ Eleanor frowns.
‘Presentations,’ Mr Acevedo repeats. ‘Speaking in front of others. Do you find it easy?’
Eleanor pauses, then answers: ‘It depends on the topic.’
‘On the topic, uh-huh.’ Mr Acevedo is strolling back and forth again. ‘Is it the same for you, Charles?’
‘Erm, I generally find it stressful.’
‘What’s stressful about it for you?’
The exact thing that’s raising my heart rate right now. Attentive eyes on me. Silence, expectation, having to say something. ‘This,’ I say. ‘Attention. Being looked at.’
‘Being at the centre of things?’ Mr Acevedo continues. ‘Why is that unpleasant?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Charles, please. You can be honest – we all know what it feels like.’
Tori is watching me, chewing her bottom lip.
