‘Want to know my trick?’
I say nothing.No, because then I’d actually have to do this.
‘I’m no actor either. I’m just a guy who isn’t afraid of making an eejit of himself any more. And who thinks about you. The whole time, Tori. It’s always worked.’
My heart skips a beat. ‘But Iamstill afraid of making an eejit of myself.’
‘Then stop.’
‘No, Charlie, I . . . I can’t.’
‘Me either, but we’ll get through it together.’ He puts his hands on my knee. ‘Nobody will be looking at us. It’ll just be us two. Nothing else matters.’
It’s no use. I have no choice. Damn all those stupid daydreams where I imagined being Juliet. Me, not Eleanor. I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to play her. I’d never known how terrifying the idea of getting up there is until now.
Charlie’s still crouching there, looking at me. Eyes full of hope and anticipation. Yes, really. He’s pleased. What’s wrong with him?
‘I swear to you, I’m going to boak in a minute,’ I whisper.
33
SINCLAIR
It’s crazy. All this, this whole day, and I really wouldn’t want to change places with Tori. I’ve had months to get psyched up for the whole school watching me lay bare my innermost being. Tori’s had two hours. And she goes paler with every passing minute as the auditorium gradually fills.
I pull her away from the curtain so she can’t see how many people are in the audience.
It’s a miracle, but Eleanor’s costume fits her almost perfectly. Her long, copper-coloured hair tumbles in waves over the shoulders of her white blouse, with the dark red trousers. She looks breathtaking. Strong, yet vulnerable. She looks like Juliet.
We’re not talking any more as the play begins and we sit in a little room behind the stage, waiting to make our entrances. My first scenes don’t involve Tori, and I know she’s going to freak when I leave, and we won’t see each other again until we first meet on stage. In front of all those people. There are a lot of them. Bloody loads, but I don’t let myself take that in until I’ve said my first few lines and got myself into the scene.
The audience is hushed and I think they’re coming with us. They laugh in the right places, and hang on my lips. After a few minutes, I feel myself relax. I’m starting to have fun. Honestly, there’s nothing I can compare it to. The adrenaline that’scoursing through my body is making me wider awake than ever before. I think I’m good. I hardly make any mistakes, and if I do, I manage to cover it up elegantly enough that the audience doesn’t even notice. I make out Mum and Dad in the front row; Emma and Henry are a little further back. Even Valentine Ward is there, but I don’t care.
I hear for myself from backstage as the audience gasps in astonishment during Tori’s first scenes. I wish I could be with her, but I can only stand behind the curtain, praying silently that everything will go smoothly. And she’s doing an outstanding job. We barely have time to speak as she and Grace make their exit and I go on again.
A little later, when the music strikes up for the ballroom scene, and Romeo sees Juliet for the first time, the excitement is making my fingertips tingle. And then I see her.
I’ve got my back to the audience, but I still hear the quiet whispering as Tori and I are on stage together. And then I don’t hear another thing. I can see only her. Juliet, beautiful and charming, with an elegance that takes my breath away. I don’t have to act it – I can feel it, and all I have to do is let that show.
The first few minutes of our first scene together are entirely unspoken. Silently approaching, stolen glances. Like a secret dance that belongs only to the two of us.
I don’t think Tori is acting either: she’s feeling it, the same as me. She looks calm and composed, only her clammy fingers, which I take in mine, give away that she’s dying of nerves. I meet her eyes and try to put everything I can’t tell her just now into that look.
Breathe.
You are so beautiful.
Everything’s going to be fine. We’re going to smash this.
TORI
I don’t know how I’m capable of standing on this stage, saying the lines I’ve always been reading along with from my seat, or speaking in the bakery. My brain reels them off, my mouth speaks them. It happens without any control on my part. I hear what Charlie says and forget it that same second. There’s only him and me, and the next line and the next and the next.
I’ve never felt like this before. Like nothing’s real, not even myself. My body is doing the things that need to be done. I’m Juliet. I’m her worries and her hopes, her yearnings and her fear.
I don’t even take in the existence of the audience. Maybe this how it feels to get high. I’m not even sure if there really are people here.
When we come off stage and wait behind the curtain for our next entrances, I can’t speak to anyone. I just stand next to Charlie, drink water and don’t let go of his hand. I don’t think I’ve ever been as focused on anything in my whole life.
