But Henry won’t let it go now, I know him well enough to be sure of that.
‘Sinclair?’
I shut my eyes.
‘Oh,’ Henry says, as I open them again. ‘You’ve done it.’
‘What?’ I blurt. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘I don’t know.’ He shrugs. ‘Some kind of intuition.’
‘You’re kidding?’
‘Haven’t you then? Sorry if so – don’t feel under any pressure. And about the other day, when I burst in on you, I’ve been meaning to say I’m sorry if that was annoying of me. There was no need for it.’
‘Henry,’ I say, and he goes quiet. ‘Shut up.’
‘No, I had to say that.’
‘OK, got you, but that’s not it.’
‘What then?’
‘Yes, of course you’re right. You know, with your intuition.’ I pause. ‘We . . .’ Shagged? Slept together? Made love? Hell, none of those things, considering how it went.
Henry tries to keep his face as neutral as possible, but he looks like he’s bursting with pride. I bet he’ll tell Emma all about it. They’ve probably been betting on it – I wouldn’t put it past them.
‘I’m happy for you both.’
‘You’re happy?’
‘Yeah. Shouldn’t I say that? Sorry, but I really am. You two are totally made for each other.’ Henry really does look pleased. ‘But was it good? I want to know everything! Well, not everything, just as much as you want to say. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.’
‘Henry, just shut the hell up.’
‘Yeah, sorry. Sorry.’ He claps both hands to his mouth, but the look of challenge in his eyes betrays him.
I wish the ground would swallow me.
Was it good?
He should be asking Tori that, not me. And according to her, it was nice. It’s amazing how much damage that fucking word has done to my fragile male ego. But I guess I deserve it.
‘Well, no.’ I stare at my knees, because I simply can’t meet Henry’s eyes while I’m embarrassing myself like this. I don’t know what I’ll do if he laughs. Laugh too, and later cry tears of fury because I’m a wuss. Not over the crying – I’m kind of glad that I’m someone who can cry reasonably often. It’s kind of a release. But this whole sex thing is driving me mad. I get a horrible feeling that other people don’t turn it into such a big deal. They just do it.
‘No you don’t want to go into detail?’ Henry asks carefully.
‘No. No it wasn’t good . . . Or yes it was. It was good. It was damn good. For me, at any rate. I hope it was at least a little bit good for Tori. I don’t know. Fuck . . .’ I force myself to take somedeep breaths. Henry doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t say anything, and that’s driving me crazy.
‘Didn’t it work?’ he asks eventually, when I can’t say another word. ‘That wouldn’t be a disaster. The first time with Grace it didn’t work. I was too nervous.’
‘God, stop it,’ I mumble.
‘Ha, no, it’s not a disaster. I didn’t last long with Emma at first either, but fortunately I usually managed to return the favour.’
This is actually stuff you don’t necessarily need to know about your best pal, but it’s kind of comforting all the same.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ I groan, and let myself drop backwards onto my bed. ‘I was in her and, well, then I was finished right away. I don’t think she was anywhere near coming.’
