“Sit down,” says Mrs.Sinclair as Omar shuts the door. She takes a seat behind her desk and studies me for a moment. “I think we both know what a warning means for you as school captain.”
I shiver. Well, that’s that, then. Job over. Shit. I hadn’t even thought of that.
There’s a tiny moment of panic before it’s replaced by indifference. The same way that I’ve been indifferent to everything in recent weeks. So what? I’ll resign. That’d probably be better for everyone.
“Henry?”
I don’t know if Mrs.Sinclair can see inside my head, but sheseems to have been expecting something else. For me to beg her not to do it. What do I know?
“I should resign,” I say. That’s all.
Mrs.Sinclair gives me a long look. “And you’re really telling me that that means nothing to you?”
“It does mean something,” I lie. “I made a mistake, and I’m truly sorry. Especially because I didn’t want the others to get into trouble because of me.”
“I know that, Henry. And because I understand how very difficult this situation is for you, I won’t insist on any further consequences. That, and because I value you a great deal as school captain.”
Now I should probably feel flattered. It’s almost a shame. “Thanks,” I say. It’s ridiculous.
“But that isn’t why I asked you to stay behind,” she continues. I’m fearing the worst, which proves correct. “How are you doing?”
For a brief moment, I feel that horrible pressure behind my eyeballs. But I don’t cry. “Doing fine. Thank you.”
Mrs.Sinclair is still giving me a look. “That is not entirely the impression I’m getting.”
What does she expect? Maeve’s dead. Of course I’m not doing fine, but if I say it out loud, it’ll make it real.
“In your last English test, you handed in a blank sheet of paper.”
I just shrug my shoulders.
“Why didn’t you speak to Mr.Ward?”
“What could he have done?”
“He could have let you off the test altogether and given you more time to catch up, as you know.”
I say nothing.
“Henry, we all want to do whatever we can so as not to make things harder for you, but you have to work with us on that. You need to speak to us so that we can help you.”
I don’t have to do anything and I don’t need help, I think. And then I say, “I know. I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t intended as a telling-off. I understand that things aren’t easy for you. You know that Ms.Vail’s door is always open to you?”
I nod. If I speak, I’ll burst into tears. So I don’t speak.
“And if it all gets to be too much for you, we can give you permission to go home for a while.”
Go home... Which home? Mum and Dad are back on the project; Theo’s busy at uni and we’re barely in touch. I could go to my grandparents in Cheshire, but what would I do there? Visit Maeve’s grave? Fantastic.
“I spoke to Mr.Ward. Ideally, you’d need to take part in the maths exam next week. He’s planning on running a two-hour mock A level. Do you feel up to it?”
“Yes.” The word slips out. “Totally. In English I had... some kind of blackout, I don’t know.”
Mrs.Sinclair doesn’t believe a word of it. I can see that in her eyes. But I can’t do anything else.
“Fine, Henry. That’ll be all.” She looks at me. “I’m here anytime if you want to talk to me. About anything at all.”
