“Do you think it was fun for me?” I snap. “Do you really think I wanted to be that guy? The guy who hurts Grace and throws away what we have? Shit, Emma, three years, three shitting years. I hate being the arsehole, but you gave me no choice.”
“No.” Her index finger jabs my chest. “Oh, no, Henry Bennington. You take that back. I’ve got nothing to do with this. You chose, not me. I never fucking asked you!”
“Didn’t you? Didn’t you? So you didn’t look at me like that, and tell me all that stuff, and think it wouldn’t bother me? For God’s sake, I didn’t want this! I thought things were perfect with Grace, but I had no idea that that wasn’t love. That there’s more than that. I didn’t plan to fall in love with you, Emma Wiley, but I’m only human. And you know it. So don’t ask me why I did it. We both know.” I take the last step toward her. “I did it so that I could finally dothis.”
Emma
I’ve never been kissed like this before, by Henry in the shelter of the darkness. Hands in hair, furious and desperate. Whole body, pressing me back against this cold wall.
His lips are as soft as I’d hoped. His hands are strong and skillful. It takes me a whole four seconds to be more than frozen, taken unaware—for me to be able to dig my fingers into his hair. I pull him closer because Ineedhim closer. His hips press against mine, his body so hungry for me. I have to lean my head back slightly as he pushes his knee between my legs and pulls me up onto his thigh with hot hands on my bum, until my body consists of nothing but heat and throbbing. I’m dizzy because I can’t breathe, and I don’t want him to stop. Noses crashing together, his lips on my teeth, his tongue in my mouth. I hadn’t expectedHenry to be able to kiss like this. To be able to hold me so tightly and press me against this wall, almost rough, but actually gentle. It’s better than anything.
And then he just stops.
The night is quiet and there is only our heavy breathing as he suddenly pulls back. His eyes are on me, heavy as ton-weights, almost startled, as I dig my fingers harder into his forearm, wanting to pull him back.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, his eyes gliding over me, lips glistening, and he has to carry on. He can’t just stop now, he has to keep kissing me or I’ll die. “I... May I, actually?”
“Yes,” I gasp, because his voice sounds so deep and raw, and the throbbing between my legs is unbearable.
“I didn’t ask you if you...” He falls silent as I lean forward. Kissing Henry feels like the most intimate act of my entire life, and I don’t want it ever to end. It’s a flowing movement, his mouth is open, his tongue hot.
“How about you?” I breathe as he shoves his fingers into my hair again. His thumbs run over my cheeks, he pulls me closer, so close, until my brow is against his. “Do you want to?”
“Emma, I’ve wanted you since we got on that plane,” he murmurs, and I have to shut my eyes. “It’s been driving me crazy, every day that I’ve seen you and haven’t been able to kiss you.”
“Now you can kiss me,” I say, and he finally does what I want him to do.
It’s more than just kissing. I know that as Henry moves his hips against me, and I wish that he’d touch me through the thin fabric of my leggings. I want his fingers between my legs, hisscent in my nose, his heat on my skin. I want all of that right now. I’ve wanted it for so long.
So I grab his hands and pull them downward. He immediately shoves them inside my jacket and under my jumper. His fingertips are cool, and I’d happily have us believe that that’s why I get goose bumps, that they’re not from Henry’s lips on my throat. A muffled yearning sound escapes me as he strokes upward over my sides. Henry shudders as he hears it. I don’t know if I’ve ever found anything such a turn-on as the certainty that I can cause this reaction in him. It’s indescribable, and I feel beautiful.
We’re moving in a rhythm that’s part of something bigger than ourselves. I don’t know what it is, only that I have to have it. My knees are weak, my head is full of fog, and I’m not even drunk. Henry gently tugs my lower lip between his teeth and my face toward him as I let my head drop back. He whispers my name, and it’s over. I simply dissolve. I go numb, then light, and I notice too late that Henry’s frozen in front of me. Then I hear it.
“Is somebody there?”
We whirl around simultaneously and look into this harsh torchlight.
“Fuck,” whispers Henry. He grabs me by the wrist, and I can’t do anything but stumble after him. It’s a mystery to me how my legs even carry me, but somehow they’re still functioning as we walk over the gravel. The fine rain settles ice-cold on my face and steams where it hits the places that Henry’s lips touched. He pulls me into a corner, pushes me into an alcove and presses two fingers against my lips. His chest rises heavily against mine as we stand pressed motionless together.
I can smell wet wood, the cinnamon scent of Henry, and the whisky on his breath. The ball of light runs across the ground a few meters away from us, then moves on. I hold my breath as Henry presses up against me.
“Whoever it is, show yourself now or there’ll be consequences.”
“Mr.Ward?” I whisper.
Henry presses the flat of his hand against my mouth and nods before glancing over his shoulder. He exhales slowly as the light moves on and disappears out of our field of vision. “He’ll report any rule-breaking to our houseparents right away,” he says, taking his hand from my lips. He gently runs his knuckles over my mouth, then reaches into his trouser pocket. “We have to warn the others. If he sees the light in the greenhouse, they’re busted.”
I try to breathe normally as he lowers his eyes to his phone and starts typing. I only notice that I’ve raised my hand to touch my lips when Henry looks distractedly back from his phone to me. The corners of his lips twitch, and it’s so endlessly attractive. He puts his phone away and steps aside. Soon afterward, the light in the greenhouse goes off.
“Come on.” Henry reaches for my hand. “We should go back so that we’re in our rooms if the houseparents check up.”
I hesitate for just a moment, but it’s enough for Henry to understand.
“Mr.Acevedo will only glance in. After that, I can come to you.”
22
Emma
