It’s not a conscious decision, it just happens. My mind is racing, yet my head is empty. I have to get out of here. I have to go. Get away from this man who’s bad-mouthing my mum and doesn’t even register that he’s hurt other people. He doesn’t care. There’s only him and his music. Jacob Wiley, still just a guy with a guitar and no conscience.
And he doesn’t even try to stop me when I turn away.
I think this is when I understand. That he doesn’t give a shit. That it was a mistake to come here. That I’m not his daughter. Because he never wanted a daughter.
He might be saying something. I can’t be certain because theblood is roaring in my ears. I step through the door into the darkness and don’t feel a thing. I feel nothing. Not my racing heart and not the bitter feeling of knowing that this was a mistake.
I go weak at the knees as I recognize the figure who emerges from the darkness on the other side of the street. Henry’s here. I’d almost forgotten him. He was here the whole time, and now he’s coming toward me.
“Everything all right?” he asks, standing in front of me, even though I’m sure he’s known for ages that it’s not. “Emma, how did it go?”
I feel his hands on my arms, and I can’t bear them. I walk down the pavement, I feel the tears in my eyes, and I can’t cry now.
I can’t.
I. Just. Can’t.
So I run.
Henry
I’m glad he’s taken her to this little place where I can see them through the window, sitting at a table, and not to some flat. He may be her father, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this whole thing. So has Emma. I can tell by the tension in her body. She’s barely moving as she sits in front of him.
They seem to be eating something, and I don’t care that I’m stuck out here in the freezing cold. I have to be here when she comes out.
When she suddenly gets up, I think she’s going to the loo.But she’s not. She turns away and heads for the door. Her dad watches her but stays sitting there.
My heart’s going at double speed as she appears. Her face is controlled, but her clenched fists show me that nothing’s OK.
She seems not to have seen me. Her eyes don’t look at me until I walk over the road toward her. For a moment, I see the quiet panic on her face, and I’m afraid Emma might burst into tears at any second, but before I’ve reached her, she’s banished all emotion again.
“Everything all right?” I ask as I stand there with her. Why isn’t she saying anything? “Emma, how did it go?”
She stares at me and I want to hug her tight, promise her everything will turn out just fine, whatever it is. When I lay my hands on her arms, I realize it was a mistake.
She flinches, tears glittering in her eyes. I stop as Emma steps a few feet to one side, ties back her hair, and starts running.
I hesitate way too long. But it’s obvious what she’s doing. Running so as not to have to feel anything. Because she feels driven and helpless.
My legs start moving even before I’ve made up my mind. I run through Glasgow in the middle of the night, wondering what the hell happened. All I see are streetlights, headlights, and bright shop signs. Emma’s fast, but I’m fast too these days. She took care of that. My heart is racing, my lungs are burning, but the adrenaline keeps my mind off them.
I catch up with Emma when she stops at a pedestrian crossing on a busy junction. I don’t think about it for a second, just grab her arm.
“Stop this,” I gasp. “Emma, please. Stop and talk to me.”
She wants to tear herself away when the lights change, but I won’t let her. I hate having to hold her back, but I can’t lose her in a strange city in the middle of the night.
“Talk to me,” I repeat, more insistently.
“I can’t, OK?” Her chest is pumping, and I can feel her suppressed trembling. “It was horrible. It was so bad. Is that enough for you?”
“Emma, I—”
“He was an arsehole. He didn’t give a shit. Mum was right. She was right all those fucking years. But I didn’t want to believe her. He didn’t have an explanation, Henry! He had nothing. He said he’d do it again, walk out again and...”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so bloody sorry, but that means he’s not worth it. Nobody who just walks out on you is worth it. He’s a lousy arsehole and you deserve so much better than a person like that in your life.”
Her eyes dart around restlessly, and I can see the tear-stains on her cheeks.
