“Come on, then!” She beckons me over. When I hesitate, she adds, “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, fine,” I say hastily, grabbing my bag. I hope she can’t see that I was on the edge of tears. I have to keep acting like nothing’s wrong. Distraction. Talk to people. It’s really not hard. “I was just on the phone to my mum.”
Grace and I talk, but I don’t really know what about. Our next training session, school stuff. She’s nice, the way she’s alwaysnice, but today I don’t even have the headspace to feel guilty around her.
The dining room is full of voices, laughter, and the quiet clatter of cutlery. Most people are already sitting down, so we don’t have to queue for long at the hatch. I’ve lost my appetite, but I force myself at least to take a sandwich. If necessary, I can wrap it up and eat it later.
Grace is chatting to a friend, and I follow her in silence to our table, from which Tori’s waving to me. She pats the chair beside her, making me smile.
Henry’s on the other side, and he looks up as we come closer. Grace drops a kiss on his cheek, then sits down with her friends a little way off. I listen to the other conversations.
“Are you sure you don’t want to try a bit?” Tori asks me, for the third time. “We only get waffle day every other week.”
I eye my untouched sandwich. “Maybe next time. Thanks, though.”
“Aren’t you feeling well?” she asks, and Henry raises his head. He’s a few places down, and it’s pretty noisy around here, but his eyes rest inquiringly on me.
“No, don’t worry. It’s just... I’m still so full from breakfast,” I say.
“But there’s always room for a tiny wee waffle,” Tori replies. I’m sure she means well but it’s hard to maintain my smile. “You can get one for later, if you want.”
“Not fair, I never get one from you,” Sinclair complains, and Tori rolls her eyes.
“You had your own waffles.”
“But they don’t fill you up. Just as well I brought some bread from the bakery yesterday.”
The others keep chattering. Henry’s still looking at me. When I glance his way, he wrinkles his forehead. His lips form a silent “What’s wrong?” but I shake my head.
Nothing’s wrong. Or at least nothing that I want to tell him about. Or even ought to... Now I look away to the side and realize that Grace is watching us. My blood runs ice-cold.
I don’t know whether Henry noticed. I stop glancing in his direction because it’s desperately hard not to burst into tears when he’s looking at me like that. It’s easier just to eat half of my sandwich in silence and listen to Tori and Olive’s conversation. To laugh now and again so they don’t get suspicious. To concentrate on the things I have to do here. To put my tray back, reach for my bag, and follow the others back to the classrooms for the afternoon lessons.
“Hey.” I feel someone touch my shoulder and stop. Henry pulls me gently aside in the corridor. Why is it that every time he stands facing me, I notice how much taller he is than me?
“What’s up?” I say cautiously.
“Are you sure everything’s fine?” he asks, and God, he has to stop this.
In the end, even I don’t really know. I totally shouldn’t care what Noah gets up to. We split up. He can kiss whoever he likes. But I do care because she’s my best friend. Isi, who doesn’t tell me anything now. Who gave Noah such a hard time for what he did to me. And now she’s kissing him. I don’t get it. She was theone standing on my doorstep with chocolate and my favorite ice cream when he dumped me. Who handed me one tissue after another when I couldn’t stop crying. Who told me he wasn’t worth it. That no man in the whole damn world was worth this. And I believed her. Because I really thought she meant it.
Was she in love with him even then? Did they just wait until I’d gone away to get together? It’s so shit, and I can’t tell anyone, not even Mum, because she’s not going to be here this weekend.
My eyes are stinging. Henry’s hand is still on my shoulder. Fortunately, I don’t have to come up with an answer.
“Do you think Mr.Ward’s got the tests today?” Tori asks, turning back to us, and Henry moves away at once. My heart skips. He’s still close to me, but notthatclose anymore. It’s a just-friends-and-nothing-more kind of distance.
I step past him. “I don’t know. Is he a fast marker?” I work at keeping my tone light, and it’s ridiculous how well I succeed.
“’Fraid so,” says Tori.
I don’t look back to Henry as I follow her to the classroom. I lay my phone on the shelf beside the door and we head to our seats in the second row.
“Oh, no,” Tori mutters as Mr.Ward enters the room as punctually as ever, the moment the bell rings. Henry slips in only seconds later. “See that bag?” she continues, and I glance up to where Mr.Ward is putting a bright red carrier in the middle of his desk.
“The tests?” I ask, and Tori nods.
“They’ll just sit there for the whole class, and he won’t mention them. Then he’ll hand them out five minutes before the end.He loves to torture us,” she says, still in a low voice, as we stand up respectfully.
