“Oh, that’s nice. Is the weather good? I saw—”
“Mum,” I say, and she falls silent. “Why did you want me to call you?”
I hear her sigh. “I’m so, so sorry, Emma, but I had to fly to Madrid at short notice,” she says, and my body goes numb. Not all at once, but slowly. Like the meaning of her words has to work its way through me. From my fingers gripping the phone, to my wrists, to my shoulders...
I don’t speak. I just wait for her to carry on.And then I’ll get a flight from there to Edinburgh tomorrow evening. I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to be a bit later than we originally planned.But she doesn’t. What she actually says is “It’s an important client. And unfortunately, I’m going to have to work through the weekend here.”
“So you’re not coming?” I ask, even though that’s exactly what she just said.
“I can’t make it, Emma. I really am sorry. One of my colleagues was meant to be here instead, but he’s in the hospital, rushed in for an emergency operation. And nobody else knows the case as well as I do. But I can probably wangle the weekend after next off instead and...”
Mum’s still talking, but I’ve stopped listening to her.
It’s perfectly clear. She’s not coming. She has to work, and I can’t even be pissed off about it, because some guy’s in hospital, and that would be heartless. And I’m not heartless. Quite theopposite. I’ve never felt my heart as clearly as I do in this moment. Because it’s aching.
“Emmi?” Mum says. “I get that you’re cross...”
“I’m not cross,” I manage.Just disappointed... And confused and alone, and Isi was kissing Noah.Normally I’d tell her about it, but what’s the good of that when Mum won’t be with me this weekend now? And I don’t want to cry on the phone. I can do that on my own in my room.
“I’m really, really sad about it too,” Mum says. “I was so looking forward to it. The weather’s meant to be great.”
Pull yourself together.
Say something.
Anything.
“But then it wouldn’t be the authentic Scottish experience.” I don’t know why Henry’s words should be the first that come to mind. They’re just there.
“Yes, that’s true,” Mum says. I can hear the smile in her voice and suddenly my eyes start to sting. This is the problem with people, and with looking forward to the things they promise you. It just makes for unnecessary pain if you believe them. I know that, yet I still keep falling for it.
“I feel awful,” Mum says. “Everything happened so fast this morning. Sometimes I hate this job.”
“Yeah, but you love it too,” I remind her. “And it’s not as bad as all that. You can just come another time instead.”
“Will you do something nice this weekend anyway?” asks Mum. “With your new friends, maybe?”
I think about Tori, who’s going home, and Olive, who definitelywon’t have time for me. “Sure,” I say all the same. “We might go into Edinburgh.”
“Oh, yes, do that, definitely. I’m sure they know their way around much better than I do these days, but the café in Waterstones always used to be one of my favorites.”
“I’ll suggest it.” I clear my throat. “I have to go to lunch.”
“Shall we speak later this evening? Or how about aGrey’s Anatomywatch party?”
Despite myself, I can’t help smiling. “Yeah, let’s see. I’ll message you, OK?”
“Fine, Emmi.”
We say goodbye, and once I’ve hung up, it really is hard not to burst into tears. Mum isn’t coming to visit. It’s not the end of the world, but I’d been looking forward to it. A lot.
“Hey, Emma!”
I close my eyes for a moment, then look around.
“Have you had lunch?” Grace asks. She was walking with a small group, but she’s stopped while the others are walking on.
“No, not yet.”
