“I only just landed. Emma wanted the three of us to have this conversation, and I can see the sense in that.”
I give her a sidelong glance.
“Fine.” My father nods. “Then... How are you?”
“Very well, thanks.” She doesn’t ask how he is, just tries to catch a waiter’s eye. I can’t help noticing that my dad is taking her in as she orders an espresso. He seems very different from how he was in Glasgow.
The waiter looks at me.
“I’ll have tea, please. English breakfast,” I murmur, because that’s what Henry would have ordered, and I miss him. It reallyhurts. I don’t know what he’s doing, only that he’s with his brother. It’s wrong for me to be sitting with my divorced parents in a café in Edinburgh, and not with him.
“How’s school?” my dad asks, once the waiter’s gone again.
I don’t know if he’s genuinely interested, even if he does seem like a different person now, sober and by daylight. I guess I should be glad that he even asked. But I’ve got no time for small talk and pleasantries.
“I have a question for you both,” I say, instead of replying. I look at my dad. “And I need the truth. It’s important. For me... and for a friend who’s in trouble for my sake.”
He studies me. “And you’re sure that I can help?”
“Yes,” I say. “Alaric Ward, Mum, and you. What happened between you three?”
My father looks from Mum to me. “Biscuit, this is nothing for you to worry about.”
“She needs to know,” Mum says. “All of it. Making a mystery of it has caused enough damage as it is.”
My dad looks at her.
“He’s her teacher.”
“And he hates me,” I add. “I need to know why.”
The silence as the waiter brings our drinks is unbearable.
“I’m the reason,” my dad says. Mum doesn’t dispute that, just stirs sugar into her espresso. “And I’m sorry, I really am. The accident, it was all my fault.”
“What accident?” I ask.
My father’s face is blank. “It was in the sixth form. Al had just got his driving license and his dad let him drive his secondcar. There were five of us—your mother, two other friends, him, and me. It was a Saturday night and we’d gone into town for a few beers. Al wasn’t drinking, but on the way back to school, I persuaded him to let me drive. It was a country lane, never any traffic. He didn’t want to, but everyone else thought it was a laugh. He gave in. I wanted to impress your mum, show off to him and the others. And then this deer ran across the road. He tried to grab the wheel, but I wouldn’t let him. We hit a tree beside the road.”
He falls silent. I stare at him, I don’t know what to say. Even though I have a thousand questions.
“Your mother and the other two weren’t badly hurt. Mild concussion, maybe, but nothing serious. Me either, but Al... The impact crushed the passenger side of the car like a fucking concertina. The footwell was just gone. Shit, I’ll never forget the way he screamed with pain. I was just glad when he finally blacked out. Later, they said he’d been lucky they didn’t have to amputate his leg.”
The yearbook photos. Mr.Ward suddenly missing, then back again but walking with a stick. And my dad who disappeared altogether.
“Did you get expelled?” I have no idea where this calm voice is coming from. Was the music stuff just an excuse, not the real reason he never finished school?
“I ran away before they could throw me out. I was seventeen, I was scared. I’d almost killed my best friend, I couldn’t cope. The doctors said he’d be able to walk again but not like he used to. He’d been one of the school’s best runners. He wanted to studysports science; it was his life, and I smashed it up, just because I was trying to be cool.”
He wanted to study sports science...
Mr.Ward’s eyes when I run with Henry in the early morning. The tension between him and Mum.
I want to ask Mum why she never told me. I want to shout at her, accuse her. But I don’t. Not here, not in front of Dad.
They were friends. There was an accident. My dad was to blame. That’s why Mr.Ward is so bitter. And the daughter of the man who wrecked his future comes along to his school, reminding him of what he’ll never be able to do again.
“And did you never apologize?” I ask slowly.
