On the drive away from school, he asked exactly what had happened. I told him the version of events that doesn’t involve Emma in any way, and he didn’t say a word. I’m sure that Theo is judging me. A school captain who cheats in an exam. He’d never have done such a thing. But I’m not like him.
“I’ll get your stuff from the car.”
“I can do it myself.” I turn around.
“Not with your shoulder,” he says curtly.
“I’ve got two arms.”
“Henry, just sit down. Do you need ice? You ought to be cooling that regularly if you’re in pain.”
“I know that,” I snap. Why am I like this? Theo studies me briefly before he turns around.
I let myself drop into a kitchen chair as he vanishes out tothe car. I rub my face with my right hand. I want to cry because everything’s so shit. I’ve been suspended. I don’t know what will happen now. Will it be just a few days before I have to face the Council? Will they let me back to school? Would that be all right, even if they did?
“Are you OK?”
I jump. How can Theo be back so soon? He peers at me as he comes closer.
“Yes.” My head aches. I want to sleep. At least that way I won’t have to think about everything.
Theo sits on the chair next to mine, and then he gives me a hug. Just like that. I start to cry.
“I miss her too, Henry,” he says. “And I’m no good at talking about emotions, but I’m afraid we’ll lose each other now that she’s not here.”
I’m scared too. And I should tell him that. But I can’t. Why does talking get more and more complicated, the more you have to say? Maybe Theo could tell me that. He always was a man of few words.
“I always envied you two for being so close to each other,” he continues, to my surprise. At that moment, I realize that maybe Theo and I aren’t quite so different after all. That I was jealous of him and he was jealous of me. Because it’s true. There were three of us, but Maeve and I were a unit. Even though the age gap between us was bigger. Or maybebecauseit was. “But I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t care about you. The last few years have been so busy, I’ve always had stuff on, but now I regret not having spent more time with the two of you.” He laughscheerlessly. “I mean, when did we ever see each other once I left Dunbridge? During the holidays with Mum and Dad, but when else? Practically never, and we don’t even live far apart.”
“I know,” I say. “I’m sorry, I...”
“No, Henry,I’m sorry. I don’t think things have always been easy for you, because of me. At school especially. But I’m proud that you’re on the rugby team and that you’re going your own way. I’m proud to be your brother. And I wish I’d told you sooner that you can always call me if you want to chat. But I’m doing it now, and I hope it’s not too late.”
My eyes sting. I shut them briefly. “For ages, I thought I had to be like you to make Mum and Dad proud.”
Theo shakes his head. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Look at you, you’re school captain.”
“I’m suspended,” I whisper. Theo falls quiet. For a moment, neither of us speaks, then I bury my face in my hands and can’t help laughing. Because it’s all so absurd.
“You didn’t do it for no reason,” says Theo. I raise my head. “Copying exam questions, it’s not like you. You’d never do a thing like that for your own advantage.”
I bite my lip and shrug.
“Was it because of this girl?”
“Emma,” I say at once, although I hadn’t wanted Theo to know how tangled up in this whole mess she is. But now I do want that. Because he clearly knows me a bit better than I thought.
“Emma,” Theo repeats. His voice is surprisingly gentle.
I sigh. “It’s complicated.”
“You don’t have to explain, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve always admired you. Your selflessness when it comes to helping others.” Theo gulps, hard. I can tell that it’s not easy for him to say this stuff. When he looks at me, I get goose bumps. “You’re like Maeve. And you always will be. There were days when I could hardly bear to look at you because I see so much of her in you.”
“I see her in you too,” I say, without a second’s hesitation. “Her sense of purpose and passion. ‘What would Theo do?’ That’s what she always asked if we were stumped.”
A smile flits over his face.
“It’s not fair that she’s not here. It never will be.” The words taste bitter, but I carry on. “But Maeve would want us to go on. Together.”
