“It’s good to be here in Chicago!” I said, but they all sort of stared blankly at me.
God, these tiny children were a tough crowd. That would’ve gotten a big cheer in Minneapolis.
“I saw a woman over there putting pickled jalapenos on her hot dog instead of mustard,” I said, riffing, hoping to get a laugh about the Chicago-style hot dog, and the absolute pin-drop silence afterwards was so complete that I could distinctly hear the moo of a cow in the barnyard section.
“Aw man, I’m joking, she’s here under my protection, I wouldn’t let you burn her as a witch.”
Not only did this go over like a lead balloon, but Rosalie was still ignoring me.
“Maybe I’ll dunk that little witch in water unless she stops being a brat.”
“Dude,stop talking about Rosalie,” Constantine hissed behind me. “Fucking pull it together!”
It went downhill from there. Dolly got a nice cheer for her harp solo, and I saw a few grannies nodding approvingly for my Gaelic folk song on the guitar, but otherwise it was a complete disaster.
If this was supposed to secure me a prestigious role in an Oscar bait film, it was not going well.
“What the fuck was that?” I snapped after it was finally over as Matt and Rosalie finally wandered back toward the stage.
“What do you mean?” Matt asked.
“I mean you weren’t evenherefor it.”
“Oh, bro, I’m so sorry,” Matt said instantly. “I didn’t think. We justhadto see that little baby elephant. It was born this month, you know.”
He clapped his hand on my shoulder reassuringly, but I couldn’t have given a single fuck abouthim.
He wasn’t who I was glaring at.
Rosalie, however, didn’t even bother to apologize. She was only looking at her funnel cake.
“You better hurry or you won’t get any,” she told Matt, holding it up to him.
Matt bent over, and they took a bite of the cake from either side at the same time, making big puffs of powdered sugar fly into the air.
Rosalie was such a flirt, and apparently she was bent on really pissing me off as she licked her fingers clean of the sugar.
“What’s got your panties in a wad?” she asked indifferently when Matt went to throw the plate away.
“Why weren’t you there to help me warm up? That sucked.”
“Tough crowd, Kings,” she shrugged.
Suddenly I felt desperate for some private time with her.
Was there something else? Why the fuck was she this mad?
The post-show was a blur, and when we were back in our hotel suite again, I cornered her.
“What the fuck’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You’re acting pissy. What’s the matter? Talk to me, baby girl.”
“Don’t baby girl me, asshole. I’m not your baby girl anymore. I never was.”
I felt my jaw click and my teeth grind together.
