James looked over at him, and whatever he saw made him close the fridge so fast, all the condiments rattled in the door. He hurried over and wrapped an arm around Leon’s shoulders, guiding him to a kitchen chair.
“Okay, give me like…two minutes. I’ll get you some water and food.”
James rushed around gathering water, Gatorade, almonds, and chocolate cake, of all things. Leon obediently accepted each item and ate and drank, finding that the hit of sugar and protein helped a little–but not much.
“James,” he said again, and James reached across the table and took his hand.
James looked haggard, his eyes sunken and face ashy, and Leon didn’t know what to do about that, since he didn’t even know what to do for himself. He needed…something. He neededto forget the past four hours, and the way Trina’s voice had broken when they’d said “she’s not opening her eyes.”
Leon could barely feel James’ hand in his, and tears were forming at the corners of his eyes. He had no idea what to do. He felt scared, and lost, and lonely, and–
“I need you,” Leon whispered.
“I’m right here,” James whispered back.
“I need…”
“A distraction?” James offered, and Leon nodded, even though that wasn’t really it. He needed to be consumed. He needed to stop existing for just a little while. To get so far out of his head that maybe he could catch his breath again.
James stood up and led Leon towards the couch, but Leon shook his head. With his lip pulled between his teeth, James led him instead into the bedroom. The room was decked out in Valentine’s Day decor, and there were two large baskets in the corner that looked like Easter and Valentine’s Day had had a baby. Neither of the men addressed any of this. Instead, James guided Leon to the bathroom.
“How about a nice, warm shower?” James asked.
Leon tried, and failed, to grip the bottom of his shirt. His fingers were tingling and itching so badly James ended up having to undress him. The warm water in the shower helped a little. As blood returned to his extremities, it brought with it a tangle of emotions. Panic, grief, longing, and love pulsed through his veins, clawing to get out.
“James,” Leon whispered into the steam, like it was one of the only words he knew. “Please.”
At least he could still be polite as he fell to pieces.
Clearly doing his best to interpret Leon’s broken pleas, James washed Leon tenderly, stroking trembling hands through his hair and down his back. Each stroke of his fingers burned across Leon’s skin like the salt water in his eyes.
“I need you,” Leon managed to say, as James got them out of the shower and toweled off.
“I need…” Leon whispered as James led them back into the bedroom and pulled Leon, still completely naked, into bed. “I…” Leon gasped, right before James pressed their mouths together.
It was less a kiss and more a lifeline. James’ hands gripped his shoulders and back, almost painfully tight. His lips were firm as he dragged them along Leon’s cheek and temple, until he could whisper right in Leon’s ear.
“What do you need, baby? I promise, I’ll give it to you.”
He could barely form coherent sentences. He didn’t want to be harsh or crass, he just didn’t know how else to ask for what he needed. “Fuck me,” he begged. “I…I need to get out of my head.”
James slid his hand between them to cup Leon’s soft dick. Leon grabbed his wrist and guided him down and back, until his fingers brushed along Leon’s crease.
“Oh,” James breathed, tipping his head up so he could meet Leon’s eyes.
He didn’t ask if Leon was sure or if now was the right time. He studied Leon’s face before kissing his forehead and pushing up off the bed. “Let me get my things.”
Leon closed his eyes and listened to the familiar sound of James padding around the bedroom. A zipper was pulled open, and there was a lot of rustling, a bit of grunting, the soft creak of his bedside drawer opening, and then the bed dipped down. Leon pried his eyes open and found James kneeling with one leg on the bed, black straps around his hips and thighs, and a decent-sized blue dildo secured against his groin.
“I assumed this is what you would want, but if it’s not?—“
“Thank you,” Leon interrupted.
James stroked a hand back through Leon’s hair. “Do you want to be on your back or stomach?”
Leon flopped onto his back, appreciating the small smile that brought to James’ lips. He settled easily between Leon’s spread legs. They’d been in this position many times for blow jobs and long, snuggly make-out sessions. What was new was the sound of James opening the lube bottle and spreading it on his fingers. The feeling of a slick finger stroking over Leon’s hole wasn’t new, per se. It had been over a year since it was someone else’s finger, but what really mattered was that it had never been James.
Leon grunted as the tip of James’ finger breached his hole. He closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep breath, and as he let it out, James slid his finger in up to the knuckle.
