Hannah’s watching from the stairs, arms crossed but smiling. I walk over, hug her, and kiss her. Welcome home, love,” she says. It’s warm, but I can sense she’s mad about something, and she has every right to be. “You look tired,” she adds as I set my bag down.
“Long day. Long week.” She nods and, with no time to lose, she goes right into it. “Was it hard? Seeing her?” She doesn’t say Olivia’s name, but she doesn’t need to.And I’m so tired of everything, the lying, the secrecy, so I go with it. “Yeah. It was.” She takes that in.
“How’s your dad holding up?”
“He is doing better than we expected. Maggie will be staying with him for a while.” She nods, and I’m just waiting for the next blow. “I meant what I said on the phone,” she says. “I know you’re not fully here. And I know why.” There it is.
“Hannah—” She holds up a hand. “Just let me ask you one thing. Am I waiting for this to pass again, or am I competing with her?” I lean closer to her. “You’re not competing with anyone. I’m here.” I kiss her, and I mean it. But she doesn’t feel it the way I intended her to.
“I just need the truth, Ethan. Am I a placeholder?”
“No, you never have been,”. I chose her long ago, and by the time I started with her, Olivia and I were long over. Yes, I thought of her, yes, I loved her, but I never chose Hannah to forget Olivia.
She gives a tight nod. “Okay.” The nanny heads out to grab the girls. Hannah gives her a soft thank-you, and I take my bag upstairs. “I’m going to shower. It’s been a long day.”
“I’ll come sit with you.” She perches on the edge of the tub while I strip and turn on the water. Steam curls around us. “How was the funeral?”
I sigh, “Hard as hell. But it was a very nice service.”
“And the project?”
“I didn’t know what to expect working with them, but honestly, that childish play we used to have is long gone. We’re adults, we respect each other, and ourparents’ decisions weren’t our fault. So, we’re good, and they are professionals, so.”
“Do you still love her, right?” I freeze. Water pounding my back. Eyes shut. “Hannah…”
“Don’t lie to me, Ethan, please.” And I don’t want to lie. But I also don’t know how to explain this to her. So, I settle for an easy answer and hope she takes it. “It’s complicated.”
“How so?” I guess she didn’t.
“Can I be frank? No fighting, no nothing.” She nods. “I love her, I always have loved her. She was a very important person in my life. And in a perfect world, I would have both of you with me. Because, trust me, I love you, Hannah. I chose you; I chose my life with you. And you gave me the two things I love the most in the whole world. But nothing erases what I had with her. I planned my life with her long before I knew you, and that’s not something you get over. I don’t expect you to understand that I love two women, that I can have you both in my heart. But please know I love you.”
She doesn’t say anything. She stands there and starts undressing. Without a word, she steps into the shower. Her arms slide around my waist, and I hold her and kiss her. She kisses me back like she’s been dying to do so, her hand is in my hair, my hands are all over her, she’s moaning, panting. She is my wife, and I owe this to her. We ended up having sex right there, which is something uncommon. Hannah isn’t the kind of woman to have sex outside of bed. She is very non-adventurous in that area,but the sex has always been amazing. And today wasn’t the exception.
For the first time, I didn’t feel guilty about what I told her or what just happened. Because even though I didn’t tell her the whole truth, I answered her honestly.
The girls are coloring when we come downstairs. Dinner is chicken nuggets, glitter glue on the table, juice spilled, and bedtime chaos. Hannah catches my eye and smiles at me. I missed that smile. That one that says, ‘everything will be alright’.
I’m home, I should feel whole, but something is missing, and I know exactly who it is.
Being backat the office feels... off. It could be the jet lag. Could be the fact that I left half my soul somewhere between a motel bed and Olivia’s front porch.
I drop into my chair, crack open my laptop, and stare at a wall of unread emails. Project quotes. Vendor delays. Staff check-ins. Stuff I usually thrive on. But right now, it all feels like filler. Like a distraction I desperately need.
And then—ding.
Zoom Call – Audrey, Josh, Olivia.
My stomach drops. We said no contact, which means no calls, no texts, no catching more feelings. But this isbusiness. And business doesn’t count. I hit ‘Accept’ as I keep trying to convince myself.
Kara, my assistant, pokes her head in. “Moved your eleven to Thursday. Materials for Tacoon are confirmed. Want me to hold your one o’clock?”
“No, I need that one. Investor check-in.” She disappears. I spend the next hour and a half hiding in spreadsheets. Nothing like numbers to keep you from spiraling.
At one o’clock, I log on. Audrey pops in first. Then Josh. Then—her. Hair pinned back, looking professional as hell. But something on her face is off, but she doesn’t flinch when she sees me. Maybe the fact that we are supposed to be doing contact zero or whatever the fuck that’s called.
We dive into the call, discuss budgets, and talk about permits. Audrey talks about vendor quotes. Josh mentions some changes to the timeline. Olivia talks about strategy and marketing campaigns. She and Audrey discuss a few other things, and then the call ends.
Agnes walks in, taking me off my mind for a second. “You look like shit,” she says, dropping into the chair across from me. “Wanna get lunch, or should I fake an HR complaint to force you outside?”
