PROLOGUE
OLIVIA
Sixteen yearsago
“I just don’t thinkwe can keep doing this, Liv.”
My stomach dropped. Those were the words I was most afraid to hear him say. I knew this could happen, I knew that a year apart would change things. Long distance was supposed to be just a temporary thing, just a stupid test of time. But this? Ending us? No. No.
I wanted to beg him. I wanted him to take back everything he said during this call. I wanted him to tell me to come over, to fix this the way we always did. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.
And neither did he.
“Fine, if that’s what you want, okay.” The tears burned down my cheeks. I’m so damn tired of crying, of feeling hopeless and small.
“It’s not what I want, Liv, it’s just…what we need to do.” His voice cracked, but I couldn’t tell if it was because he cared or because he didn’t anymore. And I hated myself for it.
“No. This is whatyouneed to do. I didn’t ask for any of this. I was going to move there, for fuck’s sake, Ethan. I told you this a year ago, and you agreed. So no, we don’t ‘need’ to do shit. But fine, I hopeyou arehappy with your choice.” I ended the call with a pit in my stomach so deep it felt like it might swallow me. I wanted him. God, I wanted him more than anything in the world. But I couldn’t beg. I wouldn’t beg. If he didn’t love me anymore, then…fine. If he didn’t want me, okay. That was on him. Not me.
I stared at my half-unpacked bags, clothes spilling out like they were mocking me. I had been so naive. Thinking we’d start our lives together. Thinking we’d finally move in, build something real outside of this town. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
We promised that I would apply to a college near him. Not the same one because we wanted to keep our experiences separated. My mom always told me not to compromise or change my life for a boy. So, in that sense, I listened to her. My plan was always to finish my senior year of high school, move there, and then get an apartment together in the second semester. We had everything planned out. He already had a job, so he told me he could find me one while I looked for something better. I started to picture everything we could have, but that dream was shattered. Byhim.
“Olivia, dinner’s ready!” Mom’s voice drifted fromthe kitchen. Dinner? Now? I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva without choking. The thing about heartbreak is that sometimes you don’t know when it’s going to hit you. One moment, you are so sure about someone, and the next, everything can end like nothing ever happened.
I dragged myself downstairs, legs heavy, face sticky with the tears that kept coming down my face. The second she saw me, she knew— “Oh, baby girl, what’s wrong?” Her arms wrapped around me before I could answer, and I just fell apart. I couldn’t hold it anymore. The tears, the pain, all of it spilling out in one ugly flood. And I was drowning in it.
“He dumped me, Mom. He doesn’t want me anymore.” The words shredded me from the inside out. I was shaking so hard I could barely breathe. My eyes burned, my vision blurred, and my face was so swollen that it didn’t feel like mine anymore.
“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” she whispered, and I swear her voice was so gentle, it felt like she could stitch me back together. But I only shook my head and clung tighter, as if I let go, I’d fall apart completely. “I don’t want to eat. I think I’ll go for a walk to clear my head.”
“Okay, honey. Be careful.”
My feet carried me outside before I even thought about it. Straight toward his house. Maybe it was muscle memory or instinct. The same streets I have walked a thousand times, the only difference is that today, each step feels heavier than the last, each turn pressing the sadness deeper.
When I got there, Larna was on the porch, rocking gently on the chair like she had been waiting for me. Maybe she knows. She had the phone in her hand. “Hey, sweet girl. I was about to call you,” she said softly, lifting it like proof. My throat closed for a split second. “He’s not coming back, is he?” She didn’t even have to say it. She just shook her head, and that was it. I broke. The sobs tore out of me. I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. I thought I’d run dry. I was so damn wrong.
I knew that was going to be the last time I heard his voice. I know him, and he is not the type of boy who would beg. He never took rushed decisions, so I knew this was the end.
He was really gone. And we were really over.
CHAPTER ONE
OLIVIA
I glanceat the clock on my nightstand—5:09 a.m. Shit. I totally spaced out.
It’s mornings like this when everything comes into perspective. I have so much to do today, and so little time. I need to reschedule all the calls I had for today. I need to talk to my assistant so she can handle my calendar. I need to postpone an international call with a client I have been dreaming of working with for months. Or maybe my assistant can do that. She is qualified enough to do so. Okay, I need to write that down.
I open my computer and start making the adjustments and the notes that come to mind. I sent a few emails and closed it out. My flight leaves in about an hour and a half, and I’m about 14 minutes from the airport. That gives me about 45 minutes to finish packing, get there, go through security, and relax before boarding. Relax, like I know what the hell that word means.
Ugh, I should’ve packed last night.
I grab my phone, ignoring the pile of clothes that I haven’t packed, and make the call I’ve been dreading to do since I woke up at 2:05 a.m. “Hello, how are things holding up?” What else can I ask? I don’t know what to say in a moment like this. There are some things they never teach us as kids, such as how to act in difficult moments. I guess it comes with age, maybe. Once you are an adult, you know that you are supposed to act in a certain way around certain people or conduct yourself in a certain manner around others. But they never teach you how to be there for your parents. Even as a mother, I have no idea how to be there for her.
“Well, all I can say is today has already been hell on earth, and it’s barely five in the morning.” Julia’s voice is calm, a bit sharp, but there’s sadness under it. I swallow hard, and my throat goes dry. “We haven’t slept all night, and when I say we, of course, it’s me. Mom took some sleeping pills last night, so thankfully, she had a solid 6 hours of sleep. But she has been up since 3:30 a.m. -ish, and since then, it's been chaos. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Her cellphone, my cellphone. Ugh!”
Julia is spiraling, and I don’t blame her. This has to be one of the hardest deaths we’ve ever had to go through. And as always, I’m not there with them.
