Nantes blinks rapidly, staring at me like he doesn’t recognize me.
“Did you hear me, Bends?”
“I’m not sure. I might be having some kind of hallucination.”
Smiling, I brush my fingers across his cheek. “You’re not. I’m in love with you. Iloveyou. I’ve never felt anything like this before. People always say your partner should be your best friend, and that’s what you are, what you’ve always been. But this thing, these feelings, they’re next level for me. I don’t want to be two hours from you.”
“You’re… in love with me?”
“Yeah. It feels good, too. I kind of thought maybe I wasn’t wired correctly. All I cared about was my work, and relationships never got my attention long enough to fall in love. Most of the dates I had fizzled pretty quickly because I wasn’t there emotionally.” I take his hands in mine. “I’ve never felt so raw and vulnerable, yet so absolutely safe in my life. That’s something only you and I can create. I might be a shitty boyfriend—I’ve never really been one—but I promise you have my attention. You have my everything. You, Nantes, have my heart.”
His eyes turn glassy as he finally smiles. “Wow. I’ve been so scared waiting for the day you’d say you had to go back home. I knew it would hurt as much as the day you drove off for college. Do you really mean it, Van? You’re not gonna leave?”
“I’d like to stay. Obviously, I have things in Chicago to wrap up, but I want to be with you.”
“What about your job?”
I shake my head. “I’ll figure it out. I have some savings I can live on for a while. Maybe I can find work here. A few yearsago, one of my colleagues left to work with queer youth. Maybe I could do that.”
“That’s noble, and certainly needed, but I worry the same triggers would still be there for you. A lot of stories there that aren’t good.”
I nod. “I thought of that too. I need to be useful though. I need to help.”
“You’ll figure it out. I’ll be here to support you as you do.”
“I know.” I rub circles on his sternum. “Could you love me back, Nantes? Could you see yourself building a life with me?”
His gaze softens as he drapes his arms around my shoulders. “Of course I can. You were my first crush, and I spent way too many nights imagining us together.”
“Even back then?”
“Oh yeah. I got over it, obviously, once I knew there wasn’t even an inkling of that in you.”
“Little did we know.”
He laughs softly. “What a surprise.” His gaze intensifies. “I don’t want you to leave. I want to keep building this new thing between us. I want to love you out loud.”
“That sounds amazing.” I lean in and kiss him, pressing our foreheads together when we break apart. “You’ve changed my life, Nan. You’ve made everything better.”
“You gorgeous man. You’re a dream come true.”
“Even with what I’ve done?”
He sits back on my lap, focusing on me. “I know who you are in the truest sense. I know what kind of heart you have, and it’s breathtaking. Part of why I did what I did with you was to show you I’ve got your back. I don’t judge you, and I get it. All I want is to put it behind us so we can move into a bright future together.”
“You’re so unreal, Bends. You blow my mind.” I cup his face. “I love you.”
He puts his hands over mine. “I love you back.”
“What now?”
“Anything we want.”
“In that case, why don’t I take you out to dinner and show you off, then I’ll bring you back here and fuck you until you beg me to stop.”
“I’ll never beg for that.”
Pulling his hands to my lips, I press a kiss to them. “We’re going to have a great life. I just know it.”
