He falls slack beneath me and I collapse on top of him. Our bodies are sticky and slick with sweat, but fucking hell, I’ve never had an orgasm this good in my life.
Now oversensitive, I reach back and pull the vibrator from my ass. I have seriously been missing out.
Once my breathing returns to something approaching normal, I force myself to roll off Nantes and lie on my back, my arm across my forehead as I try to process what just happened and these new feelings bouncing around my chest.
“We didn’t use a condom,” he whispers after a few moments.
“No. I normally use protection, and I get tested pretty regularly.”
“Me too.”
“I’m not worried about it.”
“Me neither.”
As I lie next to him, I find his hand and squeeze it, twining my fingers with his. There’s too much going on in my head right now and only one reasonable conclusion. Reasonable and yet somehow batshit crazy at the same time.
“Nantes?”
“Yeah?”
“That was, um, really fucking amazing.”
I hear him blow out a breath that sounds a lot like relief. “Agreed. Better than any fantasy.”
“Yeah.” I roll onto my side, focusing on his face. His eyes are closed, and he looks so fucking beautiful all blissed out like that. I want to tell him about me. I want to believe he would understand, or maybe that he could say something that could get me to stop.
There’s a chance he’d be disgusted and put me out, never wanting to see me again. He could go to the police. But as his eyes flutter open and he offers me the warmest smile, I know in my heart he won’t do that.
I don’t want this to be the last time we ever do this, but at the same time, I can’t keep such a tremendous secret from him. I have to trust him with this. I rub my forehead as my heart races. Maybe it’s the post-orgasm endorphins making me think this is a good idea and I should keep my mouth shut until morning, but before I can second-guess anything, the words tumble from my mouth.
“I need to tell you something. Something major.”
Nantes nods, looking concerned as he rolls to face me. “You can tell me anything, Van. Anything.”
My throat tightens, and for a second, I wonder if I might pass out, but Nantes reaches out, brushing my hair off my face and smiling so kindly that the sight almost brings tears to my eyes.
He’ll understand. Somehow, he’ll understand.
“I…” No, I can’t start there. “A few years ago…” I pause again as stress floods my body.
“Van, come on. It’s me. There’s nothing you could say that would change the way I feel about you.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“A few years ago…?” he prompts.
“Nantes, sometimes I… Well, the justice system doesn’t always work the way it should.”
“I know.”
“I told you that I do bad things to deal with it.”
“Yes.” He rubs my shoulder. “I’m listening.”
Holding his gaze, I cling to the sight of his sweet, comforting expression and summon all the courage I have to finally admit what I’ve never said out loud.
“When the system breaks, I’m there to make sure those scumbags pay for what they did. I make sure they can’t hurt anyone else.”
