Fuck, that was intense. I just had sex with Nantes. My best friend. A man. And I didn’t hate it. Far from it. I was so damn into it my head is spinning right now. How the fuck can I be flirting with forty and only just realizing I could be into men?
I glance at Nantes, but he’s sitting quietly with his eyes closed. His belly and thighs are covered in cum, his cock drained between his legs. Even soft, it’s kind of… nice. What now? Do I just accept that this happened and see what else I’m into that I didn’t know about? Do I thank him and act like nothing happened?
I blow out a breath. No. I could never act like this didn’t happen. Not with him.
“That was… something.”
“Mmm.” Nantes doesn’t move or open his eyes at all.
He’s not gonna make this easy on me, I guess. “Should we clean up?”
“Probably,” he says, still not budging.
Then it dawns on me. He’s scared. He’s freaking out that I’m about to freak out.
“Um, Nan?”
“Yeah?”
“I… Well, this was…” I stop speaking. I have no idea what I want to say.
“It’s okay if you didn’t like it. Or you did like it but now you don’t. That was a lot all at once. It’s okay.”
“Obviously I liked it.”
“I get it though. In the heat of the moment things are different. Now you’re probably feeling weird about it.”
“Not weird. Can you look at me?”
“I’d rather not.”
“Nan, it’s me. Come on.”
Exhaling slowly, he opens his eyes, barely glancing at me. “Okay.”
“I’m not sure what to say.”
He nods. “That’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, I think we do.” I reach for his hand. “That was an incredible experience for me. I didn’t know I could feel like that with a man. I thought it would be more foreign, or strange maybe, but it wasn’t that. It was… intense and passionate and…” I bite my bottom lip, searching for words. “And really fucking hot.”
He’s looking at me now, but his expression is tense, like he’s waiting for a bomb to drop.
“It’s a lot to process to realize I’m attracted to a man like that. Toyoulike that. I never spent any time thinking about my sexuality. I enjoy women, a lot, and even these little blips of noticing men never felt like something to pursue. It’s taking me by surprise to be a whole-ass adult and figuring out I might be bisexual.” I squeeze his hand. “Because I liked what we just did.I liked it a lot, Nan. I’d like to do it again. Maybe we could do more.”
“What?”
“Unless I was terrible, but you seemed like you were having a good time.”
“You want… With me?” He blinks rapidly. “You liked it?”
“Of course I liked it. I’m freaking out, but not the way you think.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“I wouldn’t lie about this.” I lift his hand to my mouth and press a kiss to it. “That was so hot. You still look so damn hot.”
He scoffs but then laughs. “Shit. I was so scared. I didn’t want to lose you again.”
