Dawson nodded. He could make excuses. Mention how Brynn had cheated on him. But the cheating had been only a symptom of what had gone wrong between them.
“Lot of tough breaks,” Shane pointed out.
That was not a lie. Dawson had been struggling since they’d started falling over, like dominoes, but there was no question things were looking up. Looking bright.
“Yeah, it’s been tough,” Dawson said. “I won’t lie about that. But I’m solid. I won’t . . .um . . .force all of my baggage onto Cam. I’d never want that. He deserves better.”
Shane hummed under his breath. Swirled his glass of whiskey. “Now you won’t, but you were doing it before?”
“Not anymore,” Dawson repeated firmly. He’d never been more sure of anything in his life. HelovedCam, he was pretty sure Cam loved him back, and they weren’t going to fuck this up. Dawson would go to any length to make sure of that.
“Not sure how much Cam’s told you, but my wife died young. Cancer took her when Cam was only eight.” Shane sighed heavily. “It was an absolute shit time. For what felt like forever after that, I kept thinking, the rest of the sky’s falling. The worst shit was always around the corner. I had to learn—had toteach myself—that wasn’t fucking true.”
“I’m still learning how to do that, too,” Dawson admitted.
“It’s all about hope,” Shane said wryly. “Finding it and keeping it. Even if it’s hard. Especially if it’s hard.”
Shane patted him on the back. “Think about it,” he said. “And talk to Cam. Make sure he knows how you feel.” He picked up his drink and wandered back over in the direction of the bar.
Ironically, maybe if Dawson hadn’t realized how he felt, this might’ve been the realization, but Shane had literally come in five minutes too late.
Hehaddeliberately let himself drift along this path without considering what the path looked like.
But he couldn’t drift anymore, not just because of what he’d realized, like a lightning strike during his conversation with Natalia, but because Shane’s words reminded him so much of what Cam had said to him, in the PATH, right before they’d kissed for the first time.
Sometimes, Cam had said,we just have to stay the course. Have hope that things will turn around. Even if it seems like they won’t.
He’d listened back then. Holding on to the grains of hope he’d managed to hoard away had convinced him it was a good idea to get involved with Cam. To let his light shine into the dark corners of his life. And the more he’d let Cam in, the more he’d realized that everythingcouldbe good again. He could find happiness and satisfaction and a soul-deep connection with someone again.
It wasn’t just Cam tugging Dawson back into the sunlight.
It was this team, rallying around him. Aidan being the friend he hadn’t even realized he was missing. Marty being the kind of steadfast and zero-shits-given coach he’d always needed and never had. Alex, who’d gone above and beyond after the Simon disaster to be the kind of agent he needed most right now. Even Natalia Kaminski, who was determined to fight against Ackerman’s lawyers and make him pay the price for his theft.
But even when it wasn’tjustCam, Cam was undeniably an enormous part of it. He’d brought light and joy and love back to Dawson’s life.
It hit him like a ton of freaking bricks,again.
Love.
There was no question, Dawson thought as he tested the way that word felt inside his head, but also, mostly, inside his heart. He’d told himself he wouldn’t fall hard or fast again, but even though it was hard, none of it felt too fast. Instead, it felt just right.
It was easy to hope, oreasier, anyway, when he loved someone the way he loved Cam, and now that he knew, Dawson wasn’t going to waste a second more of his time pretending otherwise.
Now that he’d realized that this warm, intoxicating feeling he kept putting his hands up to and basking in waslove, he wantedto tell Cam about it as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep the words in. And he wasnotgoing to just blurt them out in front of all the guys.
When he reached where Cam was over by the bar, his group of Duke and Jack merging at some point with Mo, Ramsey, and Wes, it felt so good and so right to just put his arm around him and tug him in. To let that calm certainty and happiness that he knew was love, now, wash over him.
“Hey,” Cam said, tilting his head down. “How was Nate?”
“Not good,” Dawson said.
Cam made a face. “Well, you tried.”
“Yeah. Hey . . .so . . .” They’d been here for a bit at least, but Dawson still felt a little guilty tugging him away from the party, especially when it was a party he’d earned. Well, they’dallearned it, but definitely Cam.
“Yeah? You wanna get out of here?”
“For sure.”
