But of course it was. He’d meant it to be, even if neither of them called it exactly what it was.
Instead he kept it simple. “Yeah,” he agreed, meeting Dawson’s gaze without an ounce of shame that he’d done this andmeantit.
Dawson laughed ruefully. “I’ve been really stupid, haven’t I?”
“No,” Cam argued immediately, shaking his head. “You were . . .well . . .” He wanted to say Dawson had been fucked up, because that had been evident to everyone—Cam more than anyone. But there was still a tiny part of him that didn’t want to bring it up, to call it what it so obviously was, because once the words were out there, they couldn’t be taken back.
“I was fucked up. You can say it.” Dawson’s voice was wry. “And we’ve been doing this for a while. I can see it now. Weird that a few candles made me realize it.”
“The candles?” Cam asked stupidly.
Dawson laughed. He was still easy, the last of his anxiousness fading away completely. “I was sitting here, thinking, he’s so pretty in candlelight. Wondered, then, when the last time I had dinner over candlelight was, and it struck me, it was with Brynn. Before things got shitty between us. That’s what this is, isn’t it?”
There were two paths Cam could take. He could play it safe, and say,yeah, sure it is but it’s okay, I don’t mind either way.Or he could do what he really wanted, deep in his heart, in the place where he knew he was in love with Dawson, and he could say instead,yeah, I know, and it’s been okay, but I want things to be different now. Because they’re different for me.
It was too early for Cam to admit his feelings, but he could take the second road without confessing everything.
“Yeah,” Cam said. “And it’s been okay. But I want things to be different now. They’re different for me, now, than they were when we started this.” He didn’t know if that was entirely, strictly true, because the emotion inside of him didn’tfeelnew, but this was good enough for now.
“For me too, and I’m sorry it took me a long time.” Dawson sighed and reached for Cam’s hand, squeezing it, but this time he didn’t let it go. “I want to keep doing this, and I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”
“Ditto,” Cam agreed. Then decided what the hell, he’d lay his heartmostlybare. “There hasn’t been anyone else. Not for me.”
Dawson grinned. “How could there be, when I was taking up all your time, rook?”
“And I was giving it to you,” Cam retorted fondly.
“Yeah, you were,” Dawson said. He stretched and stood, and this time he reached for Cam’s hand again. “Come on, let’s go walk around, work off some of this dinner and the wine.”
They wandered around the Distillery district for awhile. Grabbed hot chocolate from one of the vendors as they walked around under the white stringed lights hanging between the old-fashioned brick buildings that had all been repurposed from warehouses and factories into shops and restaurants.
Dawson’s hand was warm in his, and he didn’t seem to hesitate even when a few people recognized them—two of them even asking for autographs and selfies.
“I guess we’re just . . .doing this?” Cam asked when the last guy had wandered away after his photo with both of them.
“I’m okay with it, if you are,” Dawson said, glancing over at him. “I really am sorry I was so . . .so stupid, I guess. I was worried I wouldn’t be good for you. I still worry about that—”
“You shouldn’t,” Cam insisted seriously. But he’d had a feeling it was something like that.
“I kind of should,” Dawson retorted dryly. “I fucked up my last relationship. I wasn’t really present. Yeah, she cheated on me, but when I think of how it was, before that happened, it wasn’t anything to write home about.” He glanced away, like the pain was resurfacing again and he didn’t want Cam to see it, but Cam wanted to see every bit of it, every bit of Dawson that he could get. He reached over and, gently holding his chin, tugged Dawson’s gaze back to him.
“Neither of us is perfect,” Cam reminded him. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. I might be terrible at it, too. But I think as long as we both want to be good for each other, that’s what really matters.”
Dawson nodded. “And I trust you—I couldn’t do this if I didn’t—but every time I think of how my marriage imploded, and that happening again . . .”
“I wouldn’t ever do that to you,” Cam promised.
“Well, of course you don’t think you would. But I can be difficult. Bitchy.”
Cam tossed his empty hot chocolate cup and turned to look at Dawson. “You think you being a little grumpy is gonna turn me off? Scare me off? Make me leave you?”
“No, but I . . .I can’t go through that again. I’ve been terrified of opening myself up to it again but then Alex said something the other night. The fact that I want so badly to do right by you, that means something.”
“I think so,” Cam said. He leaned in and brushed a kiss over Dawson’s mouth. His lips were chilly and perfect. “It’s plenty good enough for me.”
“Nothing’s too good for you,” Dawson said softly, and Cam knew then, without a shadow of doubt, they were on the same page. Dawson loved him too, but he was still dealing with the remnants of fear and doubt. Cameron had been patient up tilthis point, and with everything he wanted so close to being in his grasp, he wasn’t about to give up now.
“Why don’t we go home and you prove it to me?” Cam leaned in and kissed him again, deeper this time. He was allowed. They’d just taken two fan pictures while they were clearly out together, holding hands, and neither of those guys had seemed like they gave a shit.
