“Better,” Dawson said smugly.
Alex shot him an unimpressed look, which was confusing until he added, “Kind of sounds tomelike you’re crazy about him. Definitely like you’re dating him.”
Dawson opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again.
“You even listen to yourself, Daws?” Alex asked gently.
“Trying not to, to be honest,” Dawson admitted under his breath. If he listened to himself, he might not be able to keep pretending, and what would he dothen? “I want to, I want to listen to me and I wanthimto listen to me, too. But I can’t do that until I’ve resolved some of this. I’m . . .I’m not sure how ready I am to commit to someone again. Even if Iwantto.”
How could he? When he was still slogging through the worst of the fear? When he was still wondering if he was paranoid at even the possibility of another person betraying him?
There were some days, when Cam looked at him, and the trust and affection in his gaze blew Dawson away. But then there were other times—not whole days, not anything more than single moments, usually—when the fear threatened to swallow Dawson whole. Where he imagined falling for Cam, deeply and completely, and it all went wrong after.
“I think the fact that you’re worried about this,” Alex said gently, “tells me—and should tellyou—more about how ready you are. You want to be a good partner. That’sbeinga good partner.”
That was all Dawson wanted. To be good, and have Cam be good for him, back. Why did it have to be so goddamn complicated? A part of Dawson wanted to just say,it’s so good and easy and simple now,but he knew they couldn’t keep doing this without talking about it. Not forever.
Alex cleared his throat. “Buthey, you got this. When you’re finally ready to introduce us? To make it official? Gonna be a good day.”
“Because you know all my embarrassing stories,” Dawson muttered, still, pretending his insides didn’t warm to the idea of Alex meeting Cam. Not as the rookie punter of the Thunder, but as Dawson’sboyfriend.
“Sure, we’ll call it that,” Alex said, his eyes twinkling.
Chapter 19
“Areyouforreal,rook?” Aidan looked over at Cam like he was losing it, and Cam didn’t feel like he was. Okay—maybe he was, alittlebit. He was beginning to be more comfortable with Aidan and more confident when it came to the starting quarterback. But it had still been a tiny bit terrifying to walk over to him in the locker room, as he finished getting changed after practice, and ask the question.
If he hadn’t had a whole plan in his mind, he might have chickened out.
If the plan hadn’t been for Dawson, Cam totally would’ve chickened out.
“Well, yeah, I’m for real.” Cam squirmed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
“Dawsonjustasked me for more recs, and now here you are, asking too. You gonna take someone out that isn’t Daws, rook?”
“No,” Cam squawked. Why would he? Dawson was the only guy he wanted.
Aidan spread his hands. “Then why don’t you ask him for the list I already gave him?”
Embarrassment crawled up Cam’s spine. When he’d envisioned having this conversation, he’d thought Aidan would shoot him at best,one, and at worst,two, knowing looks, and then rattle off the name of some perfect date-night restaurant and that would be the end of it.
But instead, Aidan was staring at him like that and asking questions that were obviously designed so Cam would confess his entire plan. He’d told himself it wasn’t awkward half a dozen times, but he hadn’t managed to be convincing enough, yet.
“It’s . . .it’s a surprise,” Cam admitted in a low voice.
Aidan’s eyebrows rose. “Asurprisedate. Huh. Well, that’s adorable.”
“Bro,” Levi said, from Aidan’s other side, “put him out of his misery. Can’t you see how he’s squirming?”
“You’re no fun,” Aidan said, elbowing Levi.
Levi just cackled. “I’m themostfun.”
For a second, Aidan got lost staring into his boyfriend’s eyes, and then Levi murmured something under his breath to him, and his attention suddenly snapped back to Cam.
“You wanna take Daws out, yeah?”
Cam nodded, because if he didn’t, he was going to launch into a big long explanation, whichwouldbe embarrassing, along with half a dozen caveats. He’d already had to endure Nate’s warning; he didn’t want Aidan to add his two cents, too.
