Harry is gone.I fear I will never see him again.
~From the diary of Lady Fiona MacKintosh—April 1893
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He was truly gone,Fiona thought, lifting her head from where she collapsed on the floor after seeing Harry’s body resting in a pool of blood.
Tears choking her, she pushed herself up and crawled the rest of the way until she was at his side.Turning about, she gently lifted his head into her lap.“I’m s-sorry, Harry.So sorry,” her quaking words were hoarse with emotion.“None of this should have happened.I should have left you alone before.I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”
I should have been content to move on.If I had, I would have wed long ago.I would never have met Ramsay, she thought.Fiona cast a dark glance at the other body lying nearby and shuddered.I would never have led him to you.This would never have happened.
“It’s all my fault.”Her tears rained unreservedly as she bent over him, pressing her trembling lips to his forehead.“I love you, Harry,” she choked out, kissing him again.“I do.I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.”
Harry had been right.She hadn’t known what she had.She thought she knew what real loss felt like.But she had only lost Harry’s presence, not his person.It had never been so permanent.Even after their initial flight from Crumpky and the fight in the alley, she had thought she considered the worst of it.She was wrong.
There was nothing to compare.
She brushed his dark hair from his temples in soothing strokes.He was so beautiful.She couldn’t believe that she would never again see his blue eyes fill with humor.
With love.
It was wrong, so utterly wrong.
And she couldn’t accept it.
Harry was too strong, and she was...she was just too stubborn to accept it.Harry had always said so.
“No,” she gasped gruffly, shaking her head and then again, louder.“No!I won’t have it!Wake up, Harry!”She patted his cheeks but gained no response.“Come on, Harry,” she yelled hoarsely into his serene countenance.Her throat constricted around the plea as tears fell like raindrops on his face.“Come on,” she begged desperately.
She slapped him then.And again.“Come on!”Harder.“Come on!”
“Fiona,” Colin shouted and then was by her side, trying to pull her gently away, but Fiona slapped him away and hit Harry again.Colin pulled at her more forcefully.
“Bugger it, Fiona,” Connor yelled anxiously.“He’s gone!”
“No!”The cry was wrenched from deep within her, and she threw her fists down on Harry’s chest, her entire weight sagging over him as sobs of grief shook her.
Colin’s arms came around her again and lifted her away.This time, Fiona fell back, agony racking her body as she turned to cling to her brother.
Her shattered sobs filled the silence.
...then Harry breathed.
The three of them froze in astonishment at the short, ragged intake.Then nothing.Fiona was almost sure she had imagined it when there was another gurgle.
A gasp.
Then Fiona was at his side again, slapping his face and calling his name.He coughed and almost gagged, so with Colin’s help, Fiona rolled Harry to his side and pounded his back.He heaved weakly and struggled to drag in another labored breath.Another hacking exhale, and the next intake came easier.
Letting him roll back over, Fiona took his head in her lap again and patted his cheek more mildly.“Harry?Harry?”
His eyelids flickered and closed.“Why must you always beat me so?”
Fiona could barely hear the weakly spoken words but chuckled through her tears and sniffed, running the back of her hand across her eyes.“Why do you make me?I try so hard to be nice to you.”
Harry’s chest quaked with what might have been an attempt at laughter but then groaned and tried to roll to the side.Fiona urged him to lie back.“Careful, Harry, you’ve been shot.”
He stilled and sighed.“Have I?I can’t...”He lifted a hand to his chest.“I don’t think so.”
