The glass touched his lips and he let the spirits fill his mouth for a moment before swallowing them down. Further abuse of the pricey Scotch, but James considered inebriation the quickest path to revive his earlier confidence that he’d made the right choice.
Bloody hell but his bonny Mrs. Ross had simply expected too much! They’d had an excellent arrangement to James’s mind. His mistress—no, that wasn’t fair. Larena Ross was a wealthy widow not in want or need of funds but only of company. As was he. They’d keep that company discreetly his for nearly two years now. They met frequently, satisfying one another as friends and lovers without strings or commitment. She’d known that James had no interest in marriage. She’d seemed as satisfied as he with the arrangement.
Until recently, when she’d become increasingly dissatisfied altogether. Wanting to be less of a lover and more of a wife.
For a woman who hadn’t so much as requested fidelity from him, his Mrs. Ross had abruptly and irrationally begun demanding so much more.
Their clandestine relationship, secret for so long, suddenly became scandalously public. He was certain Larena herself ignited the rumor of their liaisons to press him into a more permanent bargain.
He’d held firm in his resolve to remain a bachelor, and his adamant denial had sent Larena into a fever pitch. She began flirting outrageously with other men only to knock on James’s door by midnight seeking his bed. She’d be a temptress then an icy paragon trying to force his hand, but to no avail.
Finally, she had come to James and coolly told him that she had been offered marriage to a nobleman who could give her everything that he was unwilling to: a commitment, a family, and a future. She wanted James, but if he wouldn’t marry her, she’d leave him for someone who would.
Sure that she’d been bluffing, James told Larena to wed the—he’d been certain at the time—fictional noble and wished her well. Confident that once she understood how steadfast his convictions were, they would resume their usual relations.
Much to his surprise, Larena had become Lady Polwarth just that morning. There was no denying Larena with her lovely body, spirit, and mind was lost to him forever. His Mrs. Ross was his no longer.
For a man who never thought to experience anything for a woman beyond lust, the realization was surprisingly poignant.
Tilting back his head, James gulped the remaining contents of the glass until his eyes burned with the effort. It was the alcohol bringing tears to his eyes. Nothing else.
It wasn’t envy he was feeling at all. Just an inkling of regret that his favorite partner on the dance floor and between the sheets wasn’t present to occupy his thoughts.
Well, he’d better get used to it.
James turned up the glass once again but was as disappointed by the result of the action as he was by his handling of the entire situation when no more than a lingering drop of whisky met his tongue.
His self-flagellating solitude was interrupted when another of his older brothers, Vincent, led his new bride, Moira, onto the terrace. James assumed they came out for a breath of fresh air but shifted uncomfortably when they paused a dozen paces from where he stood at the rail. Vin cupped Moira’s face tenderly between his hands and bent his head to kiss her softly.
James looked down at his empty glass and then through the glass doors into the ballroom. This was exactly what he had come out here trying to avoid. He abhorred being subjected to such displays of affection every waking moment of his life.
The newlyweds whispered softly to one another, their words muted by distance, and James sighed with some relief as the awkward moment passed. But then the pair laughed aloud and Vin swept his luscious bride into his arms for a deeper kiss. One that certainly wasn’t meant for display beyond the bedchamber, though James had nearly become inured to such demonstrations over the past year.
The kiss went on, and before anything more might occur that would embarrass them all, James spoke. “All the love in this house is making me ill.”
The couple broke apart with none of the mortification James would’ve expected. Instead, they chuckled warmly.
“You should try it, Jamie.” Vin’s arm was snug around his wife’s waist. “It’s not as bad as you might think.”
James couldn’t help but snort at that. “Ha! Causes more problems than it’s worth, I say!”
Moira and Vin shared an amused look. “Women trouble, brother?” Vin winked, slanting a grin at his wife.
“I don’t have problems with women in general,” James corrected. No, he’d never had difficulties of any sort with women before.
“Ah, so there is one in particular you have in mind?”
James turned and looked over the gardens behind the townhouse, the full moon shining above…anywhere to avoid Vin guessing the truth of it all.
“Aye, one aggravating woman.”
He instantly regretted verbalizing any sort of discontent, and with an inward scoff, James berated himself soundly.
Bugger it all, James knew he’d made the right choice. He was considered one of the staunchest bachelors in Edinburgh. Everyone knew it. Larena Ross knew it. And James knew what he wanted from life and marriage to his sweet Mrs. Ross was not it. No matter how much he liked her.
But for a moment—a fleeting, insane moment—James almost wished he’d accommodated Larena’s wishes. His brothers somehow managed to make marriage seem desirable. So easy. The close bond, a lady to hold his hand and heart in care and warmth, had started to look appealing, enticing even.
Seeing it everyday. Everywhere…had become blatant reminders of what was lacking in his own life.
