Yet he went of his own will into the drawing room to the left. Hands clasped behind his back, he circled the room at a pace that granted him time to absorb the elaborate tapestries and elegant décor that were so dissimilar to that of the current castle… rather, the old castle. Mentally, Aila threw up her arms and stopped debating herself and followed in Finn’s footsteps. Now that he’d acclimated to the time change — somewhat — she was able to let down her guard, as well.
And consider what he’d revealed out there.
His wife was alive. As there was no chance the truth had miraculously come to him steps outside the solar doors, she had to assume he’d seen her inside. What a shock that must have been for him! To believe for more than a year that she had committed suicide only to come upon her alive and well….
And in the company of the man Finn said had raped her.
There was a level of betrayal there Aila couldn’t help but wonder if he’d processed yet. Unless she’d been kidnapped — and unless Marta Keeley had been bound, imprisoned, and unable to write to Finn in all that time, which seemed unlikely — she’d abandoned not only Finn but Niall and Effie as well. Aila wasn’t experienced with the emotion of maternal love and God knew, her own mother hadn’t displayed a wealth of it. Even so, she couldn’t imagine being coldhearted enough to disappear and let her children believe her dead.
What must he be thinking? Feeling?
She’d ask him if she weren’t already well acquainted with his response to such questions. And if she hadn’t recently vowed never to do so uninvited again.
They crossed the entry hall and took a turn through the dining hall opposite without Finn saying a word. He paused to read the printed information about the space and its history. Something on the page brought a spasm to his handsome face. She wished she knew where she stood with him. There was nothing she wanted more than to hold his hand and be here for him while he processed everything he was seeing. Everything he’d discovered.
Aila swallowed hard as one of the implications of his discovery occurred to her. If Finn’s wife was alive, that meant he was still married. Far before Kyle, she’d had a boyfriend of close to a year who’d cheated on her with a married woman. In the end, it had destroyed the woman’s marriage and ended Aila’s relationship at the same time. That betrayal had soured her to the practice, which was why she’d been determined to keep her hands off Finn when they’d first met despite her immediate attraction.
She didn’t know if she would be willing to make that sacrifice now. If Finn wanted her, she’d run the gamut of ninety percent of documented sins for him with no regrets. It wasn’t as if she were breaking up a marriage.
If Finn wanted her.
She still didn’t know if he did or not.
For all she knew, he might be hoping to reunite with his wife right now.
Blind to the sights around her, Aila trailed Finn into the central Armoury Hall with its soft yellow walls and ornately carved white trim that belied the array of fierce artillery mounted over them.
Finn nodded his approval and spoke for the first time. “Impressive display. I’ve seen the like before. Usually at castles owned by men who think their geese are swans.”
Overcompensation wasn’t a new practice, then.
He paused at a display bearing the dirk and sporran that once belonged to Rob Roy MacGregor. As he had in the entry, he tapped it with the back of his finger, this time along with a smirk. “That’s amusing.”
Aila wanted to ask him why, but refrained when his spurt of good humor was dashed by the next exhibit. A pair of broadswords that, according to the placard, marked the visit of Queen Victoria in 1847. A hundred years after his time. He stilled and turned his gaze upward for a long while, then back to her.
“Would ye like to see the upstairs?” Finn shook his head in response to her question. “We can leave whenever ye’re ready then. The gardens should be a good place.”
They exited through the gift shop in the cellar, passing by a group of tourists clustered around the tea shop on their way around the rear of the castle. Finn eyed the group with suspicion and a hint of distaste for their overzealous reaction to his presence. They wanted pictures with him believing him to be a costumed player for the castle. Aila hung back to subdue them while Finn continued up the gravel path.
“We’ll have to find a quiet corner somewhere where nae one can see us,” she said as she caught up with him. The spring florals crowding the flower beds were blooming, even more lovely than they’d been when Aila had been there with Violet only a few weeks before. It seemed like a lifetime.
Then amid the fauna, she spotted something that brought her to a stunned halt. Amidst the chaos of the last couple of hours — oh the laundry list was long! Finn seeing through her costume, the duke’s arrival, their talk followed by his flight to the solar and the plethora of ugly truths that followed — she’d forgotten about the thing she’d gone back to Inveraray for in the first place.
“Finn. There’s something else we need to talk about.”
Chapter 31
Finn stopped mid-step at Aila’s words. “I believe I’ve had all the surprises I can endure in one day, thank ye. I confess, I’m in need of a stiff drink and some time alone to mull them over.”
As it had before, his dismissal brought sorrow to her eyes. And as before, he experienced a rush of guilt for it. None of this — check that, most…nay,someof this — muddle in his mind was no fault of hers. Even so, he wasn’t insincere when he said he had much to think about. He hadn’t yet come to terms with the magnitude of what he was seeing, breathing, and experiencing at this very moment. He needed time to untangle the truths and their implications without these peculiar people in their garish, meager clothing milling about, gawking at him.
Never had a single day, not the battle at Culloden nor even the day he’d thought Marta died, produced such upheaval to his life and mind as this day had thus far.
And by the look of it, the day was young.
“This is important. Please.” Her tone was insistent, as was the hand on his arm when he attempted to walk on without her. “If for nae other reason than its effect has come to bear on Niall and Effie.”
He stilled as if his feet were as rooted to the ground as the flora around them. “What is it?”
