“After what?”
“You think that stoicism of his is awful? You can’t imagine what he’s like when he loses his temper. He rages like a lunatic. Throws things…” She raised a hand to her cheek. “Hits people.”
Connor swore under his breath, squeezed her hands in his. All she felt was the anger and humiliation of that moment. The birth of her fear. When she’d finally discovered whatbrutalizedentailed, though not at Dormer’s hand.
“He tried to beat me into submission. I was terrified and equally livid.”
A field of red swam before her eyes. Not fury, rather the memory of the enormous bouquet of roses the duke had brought with him that day. The solitary splash of color in the golden drawing room in Victoria Square. Their heady scent clashed with Rutledge’s heavy cologne. Then the dozens of roses scattered into crimson dots across the floor when he’d flung the vase in his rage.
“I continued to reject him. Perhaps I should have…”
For the first time, color touched Piper’s pallid cheeks. A reflection of that anger? Connor wasn’t certain, nevertheless it burned in him as well. A creeping suspicion seized him when she stared at the fire with studious apathy, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Piper, look at me.” He touched her cheek, trying to turn her to face him. She shook his hand away and seemed to withdraw further into herself. “I dinnae need to hear any more.”
“He decided to compromise me to force my capitulation.” Her voice was wooden. It was as if she’d cloaked herself in veils. Mourning without the physical representation of crepe and lace. “I fought him. He said if I continued to do so, I would suffer the consequences. Despite his threats, I couldn’t give in.”
“Stop,mo chridhe.Say nae more.”
Fury was fast overriding the empathy running through his veins. He would slaughter Rutledge for laying his hands on her. Tear his heart out. Nay, better cut his cock off and shove it down his bloody throat. Every part of him raged to do it. Do it now.
But he couldn’t leave her. Not like this.
“He said breaking me would bring him even more enjoyment. He wanted me to cry and wail, beg him. I refused,” she went on as if he hadn’t spoken. As if once begun, she couldn’t stop. She might well have been a china doll for all the emotion she exuded. Lost to him. To the evil done to her. “He continued to hit me and whipped me with his riding crop. One harder blow split my lip. It left me stunned long enough for him to bend me over the back of the settee. He pushed up my skirts, tore at anything that didn’t immediately give way.”
Connor’s heart battered his ribs with enough force to shake him. Blood pounded in his ears, almost drowning out her low murmur. “Say nae more, lass.”
For her sake. For his.
“He nearly smothered me. I couldn’t breathe.”
Now he understood her protest when he had her bent over the kitchen worktable last night. He couldn’t bear to imagine Rutledge having her at his mercy in such a fashion. At least he hadn’t…
Piper read his thoughts with a glance.
“He managed…some. It hurt so badly, but…” Her throat worked with a hard swallow of repugnance. “A maid came into the parlor and screamed. It distracted him long enough for me to force him back, then kicked him in the nether regions as hard as I could. It incapacitated him long enough for me to run. No, he didn’t manage to completely claim my virginity, but it was enough that my innocence died that day.”
Her dejection clawed at his heart until it ached with sorrow, shared her pain. He should never have forced her to speak of it.
“I don’t know. If I had run sooner. Days before that. Weeks even.” She shook her head. “If Harry had only come to take me away as he promised…”
His jaw worked. “Nay, lass. ’Tis nae one’s fault but Rutledge’s.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. There is no one else to blame.” Connor traced her cheek with the pad of his thumb, marveling at her strength. Her resilience. He’d been wrong to ever think her weak. “My sweet lass.”
“How can you continue to look at me like that?” She covered his hand with hers, shaking her head. “I lied to you, misled you into thinking I was pure of body when, in fact, I am ruined by every social standard. Sullied.”
“Ye are perfect,” he countered. “I cannae tell ye how much I admire ye for combating something far stronger than yerself. I’m proud of ye, lass.”
Her arms slid around his shoulders, and she rested her cheek there. A weighty sigh wracked her body before she melted against him. “Will you hold me, Connor?”
“Ochlass, after all he did to ye, how can ye even bear to let me touch ye?” he whispered into her hair, his shoulders tense beneath her hands.
Despite his protest, he rose to his feet and lifted her into his arms. Swinging about, he took her spot in the chair and pulled her into his lap like a child, enfolding her in his powerful embrace. As usual, his presence and warmth enveloped her in a cocoon of comfort. Empowered her with a fortitude she didn’t know she possessed.
“What you and I have shared has nothing to do with him. You’re nothing alike. I never feared you, never entertained a moment’s worry that you would hurt me,” she stressed. “I lost so much because of what happened that day. My home, my brother, my friends. Albert found me hiding in the mews and brought me here. No matter how secure I’ve been in truth, it always felt fragile. The duke stole my confidence. My courage. I spent a long time cowering in the shadows. Now he’s here and I let that fear overtake me again today. Whether it was shock or something else that prompted it, I shouldn’t have.”
