“Oooh, low blow,” Tosh says.
“Yeah, that was offside, mate,” Mac adds, looking hurt. “I was just having a bit of fun.”
“Sorry, I’m just a bit…stressed.”
I stare at him for a moment before realizing he couldn’t care less about what I said and he’s having another go. I chuckle and shake my head. “Sod off, the pair of you.”
Chapter 3
The Too-Awful-To-Turn-Away-From Airport Scene
Arabella
“Did you get the stuff?”I ask Nikki as soon as I slip inside the door to her flat.
She gives me a grave nod. “And plenty of it. I wanted to make sure you have a real variety so you can really wow him."
"You're a very good friend," I say. And it's true because Nikki is literally the only person I could ask for this type of favour. Last night after I got home from my day of anti-aging, then suffered through dinner with my family (who all thought ithilariousthat I burnt my face in my attempt to hold on to my youth), I realized I've only got a very narrow window to be truly sexy. I hope I'm wrong, but what if I’m not? I mean,eventuallyI'm not going to want to wear tiny, lacey unmentionables, am I? My figure—like those of all women to go before me—shall endure changes brought on by time, gravity, and, with any luck, bearing children.
Yes, now is most certainly the time in which to really spice things up in the bedroom so I can provide Will with very sexy memories of his young bride to look back on when we're too old and tired to try things like the wheelbarrow position and I’m too wrinkled to strut around in a teddy.
To be honest, my newfound desire to be the sexiest princess I can does have a fair bit to do with an overwhelming sense of guilt about what Will is going to have to endure to marry me. I know for a fact he spent the entire flight studying the Royal Protocol Handbook, which is every bit as tedious and soul-sucking as you’d imagine. When he gets off that plane, he's going to have his head filled with the knowledge that his life once we are wed shallneverbe the same. Instead of being carefree and wild, there will be an unending list of obligations he'll return home to for the rest of his days. So, I texted Nikki and asked her for a favour I’ll never be able to repay.
And no, I’m not trying to distract him with amazing sex so he won’t notice how crap some aspects of this life are. I’m merely trying to balance the dread he'll have every time he returns to Valcourt with the thrill of knowing that, in between boring luncheons and ribbon-cutting ceremonies, he’s going to have lots of very adventurous sex, starting with tonight’s very naughty idea. See? I can be fabulous.
Nikki gives me a quick glance, then says, “Your face is recovering nicely. No skin flaking off yet, so that’s a plus.”
“Is it as red as yesterday? It’s hard for me to tell.”
She tilts her head from side to side, screwing up her mouth in a way that says, ‘Yes, but I don’t want to tell you the truth.’ “Definitely better,” she says finally before dumping the contents of a black plastic bag on her kitchen table.
"I didn't know what flavour he would like so I just got a bunch of things,” she says as we both survey the coloured boxes strewn on the pine veneer table. “We’ve got your basic milk chocolate, chocolate mint, your garden-variety strawberry fruit roll-up, crotchless watermelon thong…”
My cheeks burn, adding to the waning heat from yesterday’s debacle, as I stare at a white box labeled Sweet Eats Knickers. I’m far too embarrassed to even pick it up, so I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to manage to put the bloody things on. The next one comes in a black box. It’s called Passionfruit and it claims to be so delicious you’ll want to keep them in your purse just in case you’re in the mood for a snack.
The third one is in a black box with a large picture of a watermelon on it. Big bubble letters scream out Yummy Gummy Crotchless Love Thong. I lean down to give it a closer look, unaware of my facial expression until Nikki says, "Yeah, that one's a bit out there. The woman at the store said they’re really tasty, but it's kind of a DIY sort of contraption. If you want it to stay on, you'll probably need to add your own strings to fasten it to your nether regions."
I rub my eyebrows with one hand in an outward motion, feeling very hot under the collar. "Have you ever tried any of these yourself?"
"Oh, sure, loads of times," Nikki says casually. She picks up the gummy bra and thong set. “This one’s kinda cute and reasonably durable. It's a little bit sticky, but it's not nearly as delicate as some of the other ones. The really papery thongs rip when you’re putting them on, which isn’t much use.”
I give her a knowing nod, as though we’re discussing the best type of sunscreen to use at the beach before I remember how utterly ridiculous this is. “Oh God. What if he thinks this is really weird and gross?”
Nikki shakes her head. “The guy eats larvae without batting an eyelash. I doubt this’ll put him off.”
“But, I’m not sure Will would evenlikeany of these flavours. I mean, obviously chocolate," I say, nodding at the Strawberry Chocolate Brazen Bra and Naughty Knickers set that promises not to melt at room temperature.
"Yeah, I'd say chocolate is probably your safest bet," Nikki says, staring at the box.
I reach for it, then lift my hand away. “I don’t know. Maybe this is a really bad idea," I say, chewing on my thumbnail.
"What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't like the flavour, you have a quick shower and a good laugh. He’s definitely going to appreciate the effort," Nikki says with a firm nod.
"You're right. Of course he will. And you know what? Whyshouldn'tI do this? I mean, really. He and I are two young, healthy people in a committed relationship. And this really does say I'm still the daring and sexy girl he fell in love with in the jungle."
“Exactly. Just go for it, Arabella. He’ll bethrilled.”
"Righto. Definitely…” I say with a confident nod. Then worry creeps in again. “But, what if it's a bad idea to wear them to the airport? I could wear what I've got on to pick him up and then change when we get back to his flat."
