And go to hell.
Totally Zen Princess Bride? This Wild Girl’s Not Buying it
Will’s Wild Fangirls Blog Post 294
Hello fellow fangirls,
Anyone else find it weird how quickly Princess Arabella and Will Banks are going to tie the knot? Like seriously, in three months? Could it be so Will won’t realize what his life is going to be like and he won’t run away before Princess Arabella can drag him down the aisle (like she dragged him through the jungle)?
And what’s this talk about her being such a relaxed, easy-going bride? Yeah, because that’s what royals are known for — being breezy. I caught the trailer for the ‘Pre-Wedding Special’ on ANN when I was watching reruns of The Wild World, and honestly, it’s got to be the biggest pile of crap this side of a Texan cattle ranch. They’re trying to sell us this super-calm bride who only thinks of others, when really we all know who she really is—a fame-hungry wannabe who latched on to Will’s star just as it was going supernova.
She doesn’t love him. She loves the currency he brings to the table as far as making her and her awful family more palatable to the regular people. So I’m starting an online movement, #freewill, to see if we can somehow get him to change his mind before it’s too late.
Will, if you read this, please come to your senses and dump her on her royal tush. She’s not the right girl for you. She just isn’t. And I’m terrified that you won’t know this until long after the wedding when she finally takes off her nicey nice mask and you see who she really is…
Peace Out Bitches,
The Future Mrs. Will Banks (AKA Hannah Goble)
COMMENTS:
WillGirl25: You said what everyone’s thinking. But maybe it’s already too late. Maybe they’ve accidentally spawned already and another royal mouth for the nation to feed is on the way.
Reply FutureMrsBanks: I think I’d die if that were true. Like, literally die.
RealHouseWivesRock: Bahahaha! ‘Biggest pile of crap this side of a Texan cattle ranch.’
Reply FutureMrsBanks: Thanks, I thought that one was clever myself.
RoyalFan1: Sod off, Hannah the Hater. Seriously. How dare you criticize one of the sweetest, most real people on the planet?! Princess Arabella is FAR TOO GOOD for that shirtless moron. As far as I’m concerned, you can have him.
Chapter 16
Tropical Breeze, Funny Four-Year-Olds, and Irritating Sisters
Will
I'm home.I am finally home. A smile crosses my lips as I stare out the small window of the jet at the palm trees whizzing by as we taxi down the runway. I'll have twelve amazing days here at home to relax in the sun, surf the waves with my brother, Harrison, eat whatever incredible meals my sister, Emma, prepares, and play with my adorable niece, Clara. The ANN jet is going to drop a small group of us, including Gregory and my security staff, here before continuing on to Avonia for post-production on our Bolivia trip.
In a few days, the crew in charge of the pre-wedding special will arrive, but for now, I’m going to lay by the pool, bury my toes in the white sand, and sip beers while I watch gentle waves of turquoise water lap against the shore. I glance up and see that the seatbelt sign is still on, so I ready my thumb to unbuckle the second this plane stops. Tosh and Mac are already in full party mode, and Gregory is fast asleep, having spent the first four hours of our flight tutoring me.
Come on, come on, come on. Stop the plane already. I can run the rest of the way.
We finally come to a halt and I unbuckle and stand, ignoring the fact that the sign is still lit. The flight attendant gives me a look that says I shouldn't be up, and I return it with an ‘I know, I'm sorry but I can't help myself’ face. After a quick goodbye to the folks who aren't lucky enough to stay here with me in the greatest place on earth, I follow my security team out the door and down the steps into the tropical air that smells like home. It's late in the afternoon and the sun is starting to sink in the sky. The trade winds always pick up a little at this time of day, bringing with them the incredible scent of flowers and the sea. I glance back at Gregory, who looks uncomfortably warm in his suit and say, "I hope you packed some shorts."
He shakes his head. "No, sir, I'm on duty."
"Am I sort of your boss?” I ask, since honestly, I'm not really that sure how this works.
"Of course, sir."
"In that case, stop calling me sir. It's Will. And I insist that we get you some shorts and T-shirts. And also, that you take a few days off."
He opens his mouth to object but is interrupted by the sound of my sister Emma screaming as she runs out onto the tarmac. She's nothing if not subtle.
Damn, I hope she doesn’t notice the enormous me on the jet. I’ll never hear the end of it.
"WILLLL! You’re home!!” she shouts, throwing her arms around me with a hearty slap on my back. After we hug, I ruffle her hair for good measure and she slaps my hand away good-naturedly. "Idiot."
