“Ooh,” she says, making a clicking sound. “Does it feel more like an infrared sauna or an old timey one where you pour water on the rocks?"
"The first one."
"So, it's adryheat. That's probably a good thing."
"Right. Better than if it was moist, I suppose."
"Exactly. So, it should buy you at least a few more minutes before the chocolate melts.”
"What do I do?" I plead. “Nikki, please help me think of something fast."
"Oh God, I don't have the faintest. Let me patch Tessa in. She's good in an emergency."
"No!" I cry, but it's too late because she's clearly got the phone away from her ear.
In what feels like an eternity, I hear her again. “Okay, Arabella, I'm back, I've got Tessa on the line, and I've given her the full debrief on your briefs."
"Hi, Tess," I say, feeling utterly defeated.
"Hey, you. So, this is a bit of a sticky situation," Tessa says before she and Nikki burst into laughter.
When I don't join them, Tessa says, "Too soon?"
"Obviously."
"Okay, the important thing is to not panic because the more you panic, the higher your body temperature is going to go and the faster those things are going to melt."
I gulp back a sob and say, "Don't panic. Okay."
“Have you got any tissues or did you maybe stuff your real undies in your pocket?" Tessa asks.
Then, much to my horror, I hear my brother's voice in the background. "Who are you talking to?"
"It's Arabella. She's trapped in the revolving door at the airport wearing nothing but a long coat and edible undies that are beginning to melt."
Oh, for fuck's sake.
"Seriously, Tess. You're telling my brother this?" I say at the same time that I hear Arthur say, "Seriously, Tess. You're tellingmethis?"
"Stop it, the pair of you. This is an all-hands-on-deck, brain trust emergency. I’m putting you on speaker, Arabella. Now, let’s all get our thinking caps on so we can figure out a way to get her out of this before her knickers make an appearance around her ankles. Wait — is it chocolate or more of a strawberry gummy situation?" she asks.
"Both." I let out one sob, then look up, only to see the ABN news van pulling up. "Oh, bollocks, the mother fucking media is here."
I watch helplessly as the van screeches to a halt and two men rush out—a cameraman and a reporter. The cameraman lifts the equipment to his shoulder while the reporter readies himself to inform the world of this massively important bit of breaking news.
"Oh, yup, there you are," Nikki says. “I've got the telly on. They're going live. Try not to look suspicious."
“Oh, Christ," Arthur says. "What were you thinking?"
"This is hardly the time for that,” Tessa says. “She already knows this was a terrible idea. A lecture is hardly going to help matters. Arabella, have you got anything to discreetly wipe with?"
"Nothing. Not even the tiniest shred of a tissue."
"Well, take them off, you ninny," Arthur says.
"How exactly am I supposed to do that? I am literally standing in a glass box surrounded on all sides by curious onlookers and reporters. There is no way I can get them off and into my pocket without someone seeing.”
"Honestly, Arthur,” Tessa says. “If you're not going to be of help, just go back to watching David Attenborough."
