Two days later
ABN Entertainment News Weekly
“I’m Veronica Platt. Welcome to Entertainment News Weekly. Tonight’s top story—trouble in paradise for a certain princess? That’s what the entire kingdom’s been buzzing about since Princess Arabella’s new beau, Will Banks, her co-host onPrincess in the Wild, has gone MIA—to Italy of all places. Giles Bigly joins us live in-studio from the unscripted television headquarters of the ABN Studios.”
Giles is seen standing in front of the glass doors that read ‘Unscripted’ in white lettering. He’s looking off to the left speaking with someone. “This is ridiculous. I can literally see the studio door from where I’m standing. Is it really necessary to have me out here in the hallway when I could be—”
He stops speaking and turns the camera. “Good evening, Veronica. We’ve got quite the story on our hands today as the producers ofPrincess in the Wildhave been scrambling to find a replacement for several promotional events that Will Banks was meant to take on this week as part of his contractual obligations.”
“Yes, yes, that’s very interesting,” Veronica says. “But I think our viewers may be more concerned about what’s happening between Princess Arabella and Will, relationship-wise. And why would he disappear to one of the world’s most romantic places without the woman he claims to be the love of his life?”
Giles narrows his eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly. “Yes, I suppose that is what people are interested in, isn’t it? Now that the lines between reality TV and actual news seem to be crisscrossed so badly, no one can untangle them. It’s like a spool of thread that’s been left with a litter of unsupervised kittens all afternoon.”
“And apparently we’re mixing a little poetry in now to top it all off,” Veronica says, letting out a hearty laugh. Her face grows serious again. “Joining me in the studio is Hannah Gable, owner of the website and blog, Will’s Wild Fangirls, to discuss these recent events. Hannah, you call yourself the quintessential expert on all things Will Banks. Thank you for joining us.”
Giles’ voice can be heard over the audio of Veronica. “Shegets to sit at the desk? That tweenage stalker who’s obsessed with Will Banks’ abs? Have you seen her site? It’s just shirtless—”
“Oh, the producer seems to have forgotten to shut off Giles’ mic. Darrell, can we cut him, please?” Veronica stares intently at the camera. “Much better. Sorry about that, folks.” Turning to Hannah, she smiles. “So, you have a theory as to exactly what’s happening between Princess Arabella and Will. Would you like to share that with us?”
“Love to. I’ll tell you exactly what’s going on between them—absolutely nothing. It’s a ruse, Veronica. One of these Hollywood set-ups for publicity.”
“How can you be so sure? If it is a ruse, they’ve definitely gone to extraordinary lengths to make it appear as though they’re a couple. They’ve been photographed together in places as far as the Cook Islands, the Benaventes, and of course here in Avonia.”
Hannah purses her lips and shakes her head knowingly. “Have you ever heard of a green screen, Veronica?”
“I definitely have, having spent the better part of my adult life in the film and television industry. Have you got any proof that they’re not a real couple?”
“Does anyone have proof that they are a couple?” Hannah asks. “Listen, I’ve been studying Will for over three years now. I know his every habit. I’ve watched every second of every piece of footage that’s ever been shot of him. I know his favourite food. I know his favourite band. And I know that someone as dull as dishwater like Princess Arabella simply could not hold his interest for more than a few hours. Is she pretty?” Hannah shrugs. “I suppose in a conventional sense, yes. But does she have staying power to keep a man like him interested?” Shaking her head, she says,” Absolutely not. I mean, look, the first chance he got, he took off to Italy, which, in case you don’t know, is on the other side of Europe. It’s likereallyfar. When I found out he was over there, I tried to book a trip to follow him, only I don’t have enough flyer miles to go. But trust me, if it is a real relationship, he’s looking for a way out.”
“Well,” Veronica says, tilting her head thoughtfully. “I do have to say, when they were on the pre-show, they didn’t seem to know each other all that well. They got less than thirty percent of the answers right. He wants five kids and she wrote two?”
“Right?” Hannah nods. “I mean, she didn’t even pick him as her phone-a-friend.”
“There you have it, folks. A man on the run, a princess left behind. And only her brother to be her phone-a-friend.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I shut the TV off and pour myself a tall glass of gin, top it up with a splash of orange juice, and a couple of ice cubes. Well, this is just great. First, Will takes off without even bothering to tell me he’s going, and now I’ve got these yahoos talking about how dreadfully dull I am.
Am I dull?
Maybe I am. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My hair is still in the tight bun from this morning, and my barely there, very dignified makeup is still in place. Huh, that woman staring back at medoeslook dull. And uptight actually. And much older than twenty-nine.
I have a sip of my drink then shake my head. No, I’m fun and Will knows it. His trip is just a business opportunity. I’m fine. I’m going to treat myself to a nice bath and a face mask. And I won’t give that stupid gossip show another thought. I refuse to let the likes of Hannah Gable get in my head. Honestly, other than to ask him one question from thirty feet away, she’s never even met Will and yet she calls herself an expert on him? Pu-lease.
* * *
Two gins later, I am now working on a list that I shall burn as soon as I commit it to memory.
How to Keep a Man Like Will
Be accomplished and impressive at all times.
Be interesting. Find tidbits from the news (especially topics that interest him) and bring them up should there ever be a lull in the conversation.
Be funny.
Quickly become totally athletic.
Be sexy no matter what time of day or what’s happening.
