“Good, because that’ll be the easiest thing we do out here.”
Shit fuck.
* * *
I'm going to vomit. Or pee. Or pee and vomit. This is really happening. The helicopter pilot, a wall of a man dressed in shorts and a white tee, just arrived. Now that he’s here, we’ll be able to leave soon. Oh, Lord in Heaven help me, I’m about to get into an aircraft with no sides and be dropped into the jungle. And that’s theeasypart. How can that be the easy part?
Oh, I know. It’s because then I’m going to be stuck out there alone with a man who hates the very sight of me.
Will and the pilot give each other a quick man-hug. “Will Banks, my favorite crazy person,” he says, in a thick Zamundan accent.
“Idriss, my friend. How have you been?” Will asks. “Crashed lately?”
“Not since last time we were out here.”
The two laugh and I stand by, trying to figure out what exactly is so damn funny about crashing.
“We got lucky,” Idriss says, shaking his head. “Whew, that was a close one.” Glancing at me, he smiles. “Is this your leading lady?”
“Yup, I’ll be dragging her around the jungle.” Turning to me, Will points. “This is Princess Arabella of Avonia.”
Idriss smiles broadly and holds his hand out to me. I take it and we shake. “This guy, with the jokes,” he says with a deep chuckle. “Princess!”
Will shakes his head. “This time I'm serious.”
His face falls. “You're a real princess?”
“Yes, I'm afraid so,” I say with a polite smile.
He gives me a quick once-over. “Have you been out in the jungle before?”
“First time, actually, but don’t worry,” I answer, trying my best to sound brave. “I ate at the Rainforest Cafe when I was in the US.”
Dylan laughs like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard. “Okay, now would be a good time to go over the rules. Come on,” she says, leading us into the hanger where a table with supplies and a map wait. She picks up an envelope and holds it up to the camera dramatically. “This envelope contains all the rules of your adventure. Take it with you in case you need to refer to it.”
Will snatches it out of her hand, but she doesn’t seem put off by his attitude. She grins and shouts, “Are you ready to hear about your challenge?”
We both nod and I’m not sure which one of us is less enthusiastic. He’s beyond angry and I’m too terrified to pretend I’m okay.
“You’ll be dropped somewhere into the red zone marked there on the map.” She points at it. “Tosh, can you get a shot of this?”
He moves in closer while she continues. “You will need to get all the way from here to…” She moves her finger to a town on the edge of the jungle that looks really frigging far away to me. “Here. The village of Mbambole, taking only these terrific backpacks made by Bearz, the official line of outdoor gear by Bear Grylls, that have been packed for you. As you know, you can’t take anything from home. Only what we provide you with, and what you find, of course, so you’ll need to be resourceful.
“For safety, you’ll have a satellite phone with you, so if something goes wrong, you can call for help. The phone is equipped with GPS so a rescue team will be able to find you within, hopefully, just a couple of hours, depending on where you are. Idriss here will be on call the entire time to bring help straight away, but there’s a catch.”
Of course there is.
“Of course there is,” Will mutters.
Ignoring him, Dylan says, “If you use the phone, you lose the danger bonuses and a special surprise brought to you by the good people at GoPro. GoPro has offered a one-hundred-thousand-dollar prize to be split between the two of you if you can make it out of the jungle in under ten days!”
She shouts, “Can you believe it? An extra fifty-thousand for you, Will, and for your charity, People for Animals, Your Highness!”
“Brilliant,” I say, attempting to smile.
Will says nothing, but just stares.
“Yes! Exciting, right?!” She smiles into the camera. “GoPro, be a hero!”
