I consider telling him it’s not his fault, that he couldn’t have known, but I don’t. He needs to cry tonight. To get this awful pain out of his body. Besides, he knows the truth when he’s not drowning in scotch and sorrow. This is the pain talking. Regret. The useless ‘if onlys’ that haunt the soul.
He’s sobbing again, his arm folded on the table and his head resting on his forearm. I rub his back and feel a shift in the air as a slight chill moves in.
After a long while, he sits up and looks at me. His face is blotchy, and his eyes are red and puffed like he’s gone ten rounds with a prizefighter. In a way, he has.
“You’re over the worst of it.” My voice is gentle, like a nurse seeing a patient through a horrible bout of nausea.
“I should sleep now.” He steadies himself with both hands on the arms of the chair as he rises. “Sorry I didn’t make it today. They really did have a flood.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.”
I stand and hover as he stumbles to the door. He manages to open it himself, then navigates the small ladder that leads into the cabin. I follow him, ready to help if he needs me. Liam makes his way to the back and slides open the door to his bedroom, then drops onto the bed.
I stand in the entrance to the tiny room for a minute. It’s neat as a pin. Framed photos line the wall that tell a love story. Liam and Sarah at the beach, cheeks pressed together as they make funny faces. Their wedding day. Sarah laughing with baby Olive. Sarah holding both their children on her lap while she blows out birthday candles. It occurs to me that the pages in their book have been ripped out so near the beginning. The thought is like having my heart squeezed.
I look at Liam who is snoring lightly now. I take his shoes off and fold the quilt over him.
He mumbles, his words slurring together. “She’ll be all alone.”
“She’ll always have you,” I whisper, as I touch his hair.
This is how Liam falls apart. He makes sure Olive won’t see, and he drinks until he can let himself cry. Then he keeps going.
* * *
I don’t expect to hear from Liam today. In addition to helping his in-laws and being a dad again, I’m sure he must be hungover, raw, and maybe a little embarrassed even. In the aftermath of what I saw last night, my romantic notions toward Liam seem frivolous, although my feelings for him have deepened. I want to be there for all his bad days and nights. The good ones too.
All day, I have to resist the urge to call him, but around four in the afternoon, I get a call from his number. My heart leaps, then squeezes, and when I answer, it’s Olive’s voice I hear. “Abby? It’s me, Olive.”
“Hi, Olive, what’s up? Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I’m calling because it’s my class picture day on Monday and I was wondering if you know how to do a waterfall braid?”
“A what, sweetie?”
“A waterfall braid. All the girls in my class are going to have them, but my dad doesn’t know how. I thought maybe you could do it?” Her voice is quiet, and I know this call was hard for her to make because even at her young age, she has already figured out that being a burden is not desirable.
“Sure I can. I haven’t done it before, but I’ll look it up on YouTube. Maybe see if your dad can drop you off here tomorrow for a while so I can practice.”
“Really?” She sounds so thrilled at the possibility, and it breaks my heart on so many levels. “Okay. One second. I’ll be right back.”
I love her little Maritime accent. I’m not sure I’ve ever loved a voice as much as hers. I could listen to her talk all day long. I wonder if I should tell her that or if that would be weird.
I hear murmuring in the background, then Liam says, “Abby, hi.”
“Hi, how’s it going?” I ask, hoping to leave space for him to choose to pretend I didn’t see him at his worst.
“All right” he says, his voice becoming much quieter. “Thanks for your help last night.”
I aim for a breezy tone. “That’s what friends do.”
“Well, I appreciate it.” There’s a quick pause while Olive says something, then he’s back on the line. “I didn’t realize she was calling you about this braid thing. I’m sorry about that. We can take care of it.”
“I’d be happy to help.”
“No, I saw a video for this waterfall thing she wants. It looks really complicated. We can just put her hair in a ponytail. I’m good at those. It’ll be fine.”
“Liam, Olive doesn’t ask for much. It’s nothing for me to show up and play with her hair for a while.”
