“Is that what you imagined Isaac would do if you died?” she asks, in a condescending tone. “Repeatedly attempt to off himself?”
“Maybe.”
“Oh, hon, none of them do that. Nor should they. I mean, they should wait a respectable time, of course, not like Drew’s dad.” After nearly fifty years of marriage, Drew’s dad lasted three whole months without his wife before hooking up with the divorcée next door. “All I’m saying is there should be a happy medium between my father-in-law and Ove. For you, it’ll be two years soon.”
“That’s nothing after eighteen years together.”
“It’snotnothing. You’ve wept, Abby. You’ve grieved. Holy shit, did you grieve for him. In fact, if Isaac is somewhere looking down on you, he’s probably sick of seeing you like this. He’s probably up there saying, ‘For God’s sake, Abby, will you get laid already?’”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Why?”
“First of all, he never would have used the word ‘laid.’”
“And second?”
I think for a minute. “There is no second.”
“Exactly.”
“Okay, so let’s say I could magically talk myself into not feeling guilty about it, there’s a bigger issue. Olive.”
“I thought you liked her?”
“And that’s why I can’t do anything with her dad. If Liam and I start knocking boots, but then something happens and we break up, it would devastate her. She is so attached to me, Lauren. I can’t put her through that kind of pain.”
Lauren sighs heavily.
“See how complicated this is?”
“Is it? Or are you just making it complicated because you’re afraid?”
“Can’t it be both?”
“Sure, but they’re both crappy reasons not to try.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are.
~ Lady Gaga
I’m babysitting Olive from early morning to late this evening. Liam has gone out on the water for the day with a friend who has secured a bluefin tuna license, but finds himself down a man at the moment. It’s been days since I admitted my feelings for Liam out loud, but since then I’ve done nothing other than to carefully observe them. Lauren’s words keep coming back to me about how I’m making it more complicated than it has to be. But the truth is, there’s no harm in waiting until I’m a thousand percent sure before I act. It’s not like we’re on a deadline or something. And when there’s an innocent child involved, caution is the best way to protect her.
Waiting is also the smart move because he’s not done with my house yet, so if I’ve misread the entire situation and his answer is a resounding no, it would make for several cringe-worthy weeks of bumping into each other around my house while trying to avoid eye-contact or speaking. This would prove especially awkward in the hallway or on the staircase where space is limited. And I know Lauren will be disgusted by my cowardice when we next speak, but I don’t really care because it’s not her house being renovated, or her heart being served up on a platter. It’s mine. So while I’m not necessarily being honest with Liam about my feelings, I’ll at least be honest with Lauren about the fact that I’m not being honest with Liam.
In the meantime, I’m going to wait and watch and think. And babysit Liam’s daughter, too, I suppose. Olive and I have spent a most wonderful day together in the early autumn sun, walking along the beach searching for sea glass, and winding up at the Seaside Pizzeria for supper. I’m drinking in every moment with her because school starts in less than a week, and I’m going to miss our long, lazy days together.
Now we’re back on their yacht. She’s snuggled into her bed and I’m sitting on top of the covers, readingAnne of Green Gablesto her. As I read, I think about how Olive can relate to Anne’s longing for a mother. It squeezes my heart and I have to concentrate on the words on the page to get through it. I reach the end of the chapter, and as she hands me a bookmark, she yawns.
“Did you ever read this when you were a girl?”
“Oh yes, it was one of my favorites.”
“Wow, so they had this one already back in the olden days.”
I laugh, pretending to be offended. “Oh, very funny, young lady.”
