“I’m sure you’re secretly thrilled,” she says, pulling her hand away from mine.
“I’ll be happy if this is what you really want.”
“It is. I can’t marry a controlling jerk like him.”
“In all the years I’ve known Dane, I never once would’ve thought him to be controlling.”
“Well, you weren’t at his house last night when he was going on and on about how important it was that I become a Hammer. What if I want to be a Lewis?”
“Or a nail, for that matter?” I ask with a small grin that she doesn’t return. “Okay, too soon. You sure this isn’t maybe a case of cold feet?”
Shaking her head, she says, “I’m sure. I thought I knew what I wanted, but it turns out I didn’t.” Her voice cracks, and she goes on. “It’s for the best really because now I can figure out what I really want to do with my life. Maybe I’ll go to med school or something.”
“You faint at the sight of blood.”
“Well, I’m sure there are loads of doctors who can’t stand the sight of blood.”
I laugh, and this time, she joins me and then rolls her eyes at herself.
“Listen, if you want to be a blood-hating doctor, I know you can do it, hon. You’re smart, and you’ve got buckets of potential. But are you sure you have to give up one dream for the other?”
“I already did,” she says, dissolving into tears. “Oh God, Bree, I love him so much! I’m just so confused and scared, you know?”
“I know, sweetie. And from what I understand, that’s totally natural.” I wrap an arm around her shoulder. “It’s not too late. Only three people know you cancelled the wedding. Two are in this cave and one is sitting in my car, trying very hard not to cry.”
Her bottom lip quivers. “Really?”
“Really. He said he doesn’t care if you change your last name to Hammer or not. In fact, he’ll even change his last name if it’ll mean you change your mind.”
“Did he say that?” she asks, wiping the stream of tears off her cheeks.
“Not in those exact words, but if that’s what you want, I could broker the deal for you,” I say. “He’s desperate, Amber. I don’t know exactly what happened last night, but he’s absolutely never going to stop loving you.”
“It’s just that… I’ve been thinking about what you said about me having a purpose and a life, and I feel so mixed up because maybe I should want to go back to school so I can have a big, fancy career. I mean otherwise, what kind of example am I setting for our kids? I mean, if we have kids, that is.”
“You’ll be teaching them that it’s important to know who you are and what matters in life,” I answer.
Amber gives me a sceptical look. “You’re just saying that because you feel bad that you might have actually broken us up.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true, Amber. You know who you are, you always have, whereas I’ve just been trying to figure it all out and pushing everyone who matters away in the process.”
She stares at me, clearly trying to figure out if I’m sincere or not.
“I spent my entire life trying to be this perfect person and making myself miserable in the process. The truth is, I’m always so worried about everybody else judging me that I have done my damnedest to beat them to the punch.”
“That’s not true." Amber sniffs. “Youareperfect, which is why you probably feel justified to judge everybody else.”
“Well, being a total Judge Judy isn’t exactly a good quality in a human being.”
“Unless you’re the real Judge Judy,” she says.
“Exactly. It’s being an amateur Judge Judy that’s ill-advised.” I rest my head on her shoulder. “Then you just end up hurting the people you love. I’m so sorry, Amber. I apologized to Dane, too, and I really mean it with my whole heart.”
“Thanks.” She sniffs. “That means a lot to me.”
We give each other a long, squeezy hug, a wave of happiness coming over me. When we pull back, I say, “I envy you, Amber. Not just because you already found the love of your life, but because you have this strong, certain vision of your life. It’s not the right one for me, but it’s the right one for you, and you’ve always known it. And that’s a good thing.”
“But what about everything you said about how Dane was just going to drag me down with him?”
