“Nope, it’s horniness,” she says, bending down to give Milo a scratch behind his ears.
“That is…yuck!”
“What yuck?” She stands and puts her hand on her hip. “I’d take a sip from that tall drink of water if I were thirty years younger.”
“Just because he’s handsome doesn’t mean I want tosleep with him,” I huff, no longer leisurely washing the dishes, but instead scrubbing them vigorously.
“He’s handsome, helpful, happy, wonderful with Isabelle, and he very clearly can’t take his eyes off you when you’re around…” She lifts a slice of bacon with her tongs and lets it drip into the pan before depositing it on a plate. “You’d be insane to let that one get away.”
Turning to her, I roll my eyes. “We’re not… He’s a… There’s just no way it would work out, even if I wanted it to, which I don’t. The last thing I need is some rudderless dinghy to hang on to while it sinks under the sea.”
“He’s not a dinghy, and he’s definitely not going to sink. He’s just getting started, is all.”
“What, are you on my mum’s side now? Trying to convince me I need a man to be happy?”
“Of course not. I’d never side with that woman,” Dolores says, wrinkling up her nose and turning to face me. “Your mum thinks you’d be happy with any man, whereas I know you’ll only be happy withthat man.”
“He’s the last person I should ever get involved with. He’s made it very clear that as soon as his six months are up, he’s going home. And since I’m on the verge of having the perfect life here, I’m not about to pack up everything, uproot my daughter, and move halfway across the world for some guy. Not that some guy would ever ask me to because he won’t.”
“I’ve seen the way you look at each other. He’s the yang to your yin. He’s the calm to your storm. He’s pretty much your only shot at not turning into me.”
I pull the stopper out of the sink, and the water drains loudly. “And what if I want to turn into you? I like you. An independent, feisty—”
“I’m broke and alone, and if it weren’t for you, I don’t know where I would’ve ended up.”
“Well, I can be you, except with more money, can’t I?”
Dolores shakes her head. “You can do better. You can have it all. The career, the family, and the absolutely perfect-for-you partner in life, who seems like the type who’ll support you in your dreams, to accept you the way you are, and let you be you.”
Does she not know I’ve been trying my damnedest not to think about any of that? “Yeah, well, that all sounds really nice, Auntie, but the truth is, he’s going to leave. If life has taught me anything, it’s to examine the facts and live in reality, because living in some sort of hormone-induced fantasy world gets you knocked up and abandoned.”
“Roderick was a complete wanker. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on him. But Leo’s different. He knows what matters in life—living in the moment, making the best of a situation, caring for those around you. Leo’s a good man.”
“A good man who’s going to leave.”
“Not if you give him a reason to stay.”
A clap of thunder causes the cats to scatter, all in different directions. I dry my hands, close the window, then sigh and lean against the counter.
Dolores stares me down, clearly waiting for me to say something. I shake my head. “As nice as it would be to have a man who embodies some of Leo’s finer traits, it’s not going to happen. Not now. Not ever. So please drop it, or I’ll be forced to start calling you Naomi Two.”
Narrowing her eyes, Dolores says, “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, but I would.”
“Nasty girl.”
“I learned from the best,” I say, walking out of the room.
Just as I turn down the hall toward the loo, Dolores says, “The saddest thing in the world is to spend your life wondering what if.”
***
An hour later, I flip my pillow over and thump it for the hundredth time, but when I lie back down, it still feels lumpy. I’m too hot, even though the rain has cooled the house down. I can’t stop thinking about what Dolores said. What if Leo is the one for me, and all I have to do is be brave enough to tell him how I feel?
The thought makes my stomach flip. I don’t think I could handle that much rejection.
But what if he doesn’t reject me?
