“I'm sorry? You're not invited to our father's birthday dinner?”
“Oh, yeah, well, technically Iwasinvited and have now been uninvited,” Leo says, “I went over there yesterday to smooth things over and see if perhaps Father'd be ready to welcome me back into the fold, but then there was this lovely new maid they've hired and one thing led to another and—”
Holding up one hand, I say, “Got it. I really don't have time to hear the rest, anyway. I need to finish getting ready.”
I stand in front of the mirror in the living room and make quick work of my bowtie while Leo does a rather ineffective job cleaning up his wax fingers leavings.
When he’s done, he says, “I signed my name to your card. I hope you don't mind, but I'm a little short on funds at the moment, and I figured you probably got him something pretty good.”
“A new set of custom-made golf clubs.”
“Well, that was very generous of us,” Leo says with a wide grin.
Swiping the card off the counter, I sign my name to the bottom and stuff it in the envelope. “Perhaps while I'm gone, you could think of ways to earn some money so you can get the fuck out of my flat permanently.”
“Not very generous of you,” Leo says, feigning shock. “But don’t worry about it, that’s why I’m bingeing onShark Tank. I’m learning about business.”
Sighing deeply, I rub the bridge of my nose. “Brilliant. Maybe when you’re done, you could make a list of things for which you have a decent aptitude. There must besomething.Figure out what it is, get a job, and get the hell out.”
“I have an aptitude for being irresistibly charming, but I'm afraid I haven't got much else to offer.”
“The only person who finds you irresistibly charming is our mother.”
“And as of yesterday, her maid.”
“Oh, yes, we mustn’t forget her,” I quip. “But, for realsies, Leo. I have a very busy life and I really cannot have you here any longer. Sodouse this evening to figure out what your next move should be—or more accurately,where. And in the meantime, keep your grubby hands off my Lego. It’s not a toy!”
* * *
“Cheers! There you are, Pierce,” my mother says, sweeping across the room in her sequined gown. She gives me the ever-comforting air kisses on both sides of my face, careful not to ruin her hair or meticulously-applied face. “Where's Leo?”
“He thought it best that he not attend.”
“Well, how is that going to look to everyone?” my mother hisses at me.
“Honest.”
Having had enough of this conversation, I make a beeline for the bar to get myself a drink. Unfortunately, Greyson has had the same idea, so I shall now be forced to converse with my older brother.
“Pierce,” he says, glancing at me as he tosses a couple of ice cubes into a tumbler.
“Greyson. How's almost-married life?”
“Perfect. How's your hand? I understand you got into a bit of a dust-up with a gecko.”
“Giant Komodo dragon, actually. And I'm just fine, thank you.”
He has a sip of his drink and smacks his lips. “So, you’ve finished your revenge series. Did you kill off the whole family now or am I still the only one you secretly want to off?”
“You know, Greyson, if you’d been alive when Joni Mitchell wroteYou’re So Vain, you’d be certain that song was about you.” I take a quick swig of bourbon, then pour more in the tumbler.
“Oh, I get it. You actually have the nerve to be offended that I’m offended you killed me off in your book.”
I sigh audibly, wishing I’d stayed home. “You'll be happy to know I've killed Leo,” I say, pausing for effect. “Myself as well.” I know I shouldn’t tell anyone this, but Greyson is one of few people I can trust with this information. He’s a total wanker, but he’s not a big mouth.
Raising one eyebrow, he says, “Really? But I suppose you get some sort of heroic ending rather than getting poisoned and shitting yourself to death in an outhouse like me.”
“You’ll have to read the book to find out.”
