“Oh, I don’t know, like maybe…an eccentric seventy-year-old man who wears jaunty hats and has a big white beard.”
“You just described Santa Claus.” After a second, she shakes her head in disbelief. “I cannotbelieveyou’re cooking for Pierce Davenport. Do you know how big he is?Millionsof people per year are now travelling to the places where the show is filmed for vacations just so they can say they’ve been on the sets. It’s gotten so bad that an entire village in Slovenia has had to set up gates into town and they can only let in five thousand people a day.”
“Really? I knew it was popular but—”
“There is seriously no justice in this world. I’m atotalCrownie—I’ve read all the books more than once and I haven’t missed one second of the show, and there you are cooking for him and you don’t even know who he is.”
“Have you not heard a word I said? He’s a total jerk! Cooking not an art form?! Hello?”
Priya sighs dreamily, completely ignoring me in favour of staring into her laptop screen. “He’s got that Benedict Cumberbatch sophistication going on. And…oh my God, there’s a shot of him at a beach without his shirt on. Looks like the paparazzi took it because he’s not posing. Yum.”
I stop working, my curiosity piqued. “Really? Show me.”
“I knew it. You’re into him.”
“I amnot. I just find it hard to believe that he could possibly have a good body under those rich guy clothes—oh snap! Is that really him?” I ask, staring at the screen.
Priya bursts out laughing, then says, “You totally want to do him. It’s so obvious! There’s no way you’d go to all this trouble for some snooty old dude.”
“This is not about sex. It’s about art, thank you very much. I'm trying to prove that whatwedo is every bit as artistic as what he does. I want to make him eat his words—literally.”
“Lie all you want, but I know the truth,” Priya says with a grin. “You're going toway too muchtrouble just to prove a point.”
“That’s just because I grew up with two highly competitive brothers so I have an unrelenting need to prove I’m right in every situation. I should probably go see a therapist.”
“Or just sleep with Pierce Freaking Davenport, the god of all writers.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “I gotta go. I need to get this up the hill and slink away silently into the woods before he has the misfortune of having to see a mere mortal.”
“Uh-huh. You better call me back after you bang him, Emma, because I bet it will be incredible and hearing about it from you is likely as close as I’ll ever get to doing him myself.”
“There will be no banging.”
“Oh, there will be banging. And when it’s over, there will be telling Priya everything.”
* * *
Five minutes later, as I pull on my rubber boots, I smile to myself, satisfied to have created what really is a picture-worthy breakfast—even if it will be eaten by a total tea bagger.
Okay, I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little bit impressed now that I knowhe’stheClash of Crownsguy, but can you blame me? Very few people achieve what he has. And even fewer at a young age. And even less who also stride around with a super hot body. If he weren’t such an arse, he’d be the whole package. But he is MOST DEFINITELY a total jerk which completely negates the body, the dreamy eyes, the money,andthe fame.
Incredible sex.Pfft! I doubt that very much. He’d be adequate at best. If the way he acts is any indication, he’s probably very selfish in the sack. No matter how hard his body is…
14
Sometimes a Man’s Gotta Fight for His Fancy Breakfast
Pierce
Have you ever had one of those days where you could do no wrong? Where everything comes up your way and you want to stand on a stage in front of thousands of people shouting that you're king of the worlda laJames Cameron at the Oscars?
That's me today. Over the past four wonderful hours, I have written more words than I have in almost two years put together. But that's not all; they’rehigh-qualitywords—the kind that sold this series to Sullivan and Stone in the first place. I finally found a way out of the corner in which I’ve been trapped, and not only that, it’s brilliant.
No oneis going to see it coming. Not even the biggest of the Crownies who spend more time spouting theories of how the series is going to end than I’ve spent writing the damn books.
Now that I think about it, I haven't had a writing session this good since I was twenty-four and I started the series.
And if I'm going to be completely honest, I've been just the tiniest bit worried that I really might be the lazy, no-talent hack that a certain formerClash of Crownsexecutive-producer called me in his interview inVarietylast October. Not that I care about nasty criticisms, mind you. I just have an excellent memory for them.
