“But it didn’t. It happened to me,” I say, slapping my hand over my eyes. “Just likeI’mthe one who ruined the celebration tonight.”
“You haven’t ruined anything. By now, everyone will have forgotten about it.”
I raise one eyebrow at him.
“Well, by next week, then.” He nods confidently, even though we both know the only thing to make people forget will be my next embarrassing incident.
“In the meantime, come Monday, I’m going to be subjected to another meeting with Dylan about how I can ‘improve my image.’”
“I’ll cancel it.” Arthur gives me a kiss on the forehead, then smiles at me. “You shouldn’t be subjected to such nonsense, especially not when you’re so ill.”
“No, don’t cancel it. If I’m going to earn the respect of the staff, I can’t be hiding behind you while you fight my battles for me.”
“But I enjoy fighting your battles for you. It makes me feel very manly, like I’ve just come back into the cave with a sabre-toothed cat over my shoulder for dinner,” he says with a little grin.
“Oh my God. You’re really just a very well-dressed, well-spoken Neanderthal.”
“Admit it. You kind of love that about me.”
“I love that youwantto fight my battles for me. And I love that you won’t because you realize that in the end, it would hurt me if you did.”
Arthur stares at me for a moment, then says, “That was some Jedi mind trick shit, just now. Giving me credit for something I don’twantto do but now will because it will both please you and make me seem smart.”
“I’ll have to use my Jedi mind trickery to fool the people of the kingdom into liking me. Then maybe we can fire Dylan.”
“You won’t have to trick them. When the people finally figure out who you are, they’re going to love you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you won me over, and I don’t like anyone.”
I smile, my agitation giving way to a cozy, sleepy feeling. “You should go. Some of the world’s most important people are waiting for you so they can move on to the entrée.”
“Oh, right,them,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I wish I didn’t have to. I’d like nothing more than to just lay around in bed with you all evening.”
“I won’t be fun anyway,” I say, yawning. “I’m just going to fall asleep.”
“Do you want me to have someone come sit with you in case you...”
I shake my head and lower my heavy eyelids. “No. Now that there are no food smells anywhere near me, I’ll be fine.”
“Are you certain? I’m happy—”
“Thank you, but I’m fine now. I promise.” I rub the back of his hand. “You really are turning out to be a slightly above average husband.”
“Then I should dial it back a bit, or you’re going to expect this type of care all the time,” he says with a grin. “Now get some sleep, Sponge Tessa.”
“Life’s better in Bikini Bottom,” I murmur as I drift off to sleep.
***
“THIS IS VERONICA PLATT, from the ABNC desk. At the top of the hour, scandal at Valcourt Palace last night as the Duchess of Wellingbourne vomits on the reigning monarch of Avonia’s biggest trade partner during the Four Hundred Years of Peace State Dinner. Has Princess Tessa developed a troubling drinking habit in her short tenure as princess? And what will be the impact on trade with Belgium? We’ll answer these questions and give you a preview of this summer’s hottest swim wear after this commercial break.”
***
TEXT FROM BRAM:Tessa, did you really get hammered at the dinner last night and yak all over the King of Belgium? Please tell me you did. That would be the most epic thing you’ve ever done. Also, what are you getting Mum for her sixty-fifth? Lars has been all over me to pitch in on a new refrigerator for her. Are you in on that?
Text from Mum:Tessa, it’s your mum. Call me IMMEDIATELY. The phone’s been ringing off the hook about you having a drinking problem. I’m not answering anyone until you’ve called me back but I’m pretty sure Grace next door is going to come knocking any minute and I can’t hide in my room because I’ve got a batch of lemon tarts in the oven.
Text from Nikki:Don’t worry about what happened last night. Once you make the official announcement, everyone will forget about Vomitgate (yeah, they named it already). I’m just glad it wasn’t me who accidentally spilled the beans. Call me as soon as you can.
Voice Message from Mum (who is speaking in hurried, hushed tone):Tessa, it’s Mum. How can you be ignoring your texts at a time like this? I’m hiding in the main floor bathroom but I can hear Grace next door tapping on the kitchen window and my lemon tarts are going to be ready any minute. She won’t go away either. She knows I’m here because the car’s in the drive. For God’s sake, just text one word to me, yes, or no.
Text from Me to Mum:No. I am obviously not an alcoholic. Just not feeling well.
Mum:Thanks, Twinkle. I’ll tell Grace. Feel better soon! Have someone make you some ginger tea.
