FIVE
Thin, Smug Pregnant Doctors
Tessa - 7 Weeks 3 Days
"Welcome to ABNC ThisWeekend. I’m Veronica Platt. We're joined this morning by Lady Dr. Brooke Beddingfield Cunningham, whose spectacularly lavish wedding last spring is still being talked about and copied by the rich and famous all over Europe. As you all know, Brooke is not only an accomplished doctor, philanthropist, and former Miss Avonian pageant member, she's also married to one of Europe's biggest movie stars, Blake Cunningham, and they’re expecting their first child in October." Veronica turns to Brooke with a huge grin. “Congratulations to you and Blake.”
"Thank you so much for having me today, Veronica. It's an absolute pleasure to be here to discuss my passion project, the Avonian Healthy Pregnancy Foundation."
"Yes, we are excited to learn about the new foundation you've started, but first, how are things between you and Blake? We heard some rumblings of an on-set romance between him and Melinda Wilson, who are co-starring in the next installment of the Bond film franchise."
Brooke’s face spreads into a wide grin. "I’m glad you brought that up because I’d love to set the record straight with regard to all of that silly business. Melinda is a dear friend to us both, and I can tell you she has no designs on my husband, not that it would matter if she did, of course, because he’s one hundred percent committed to me. In fact, Blake and I couldn't be happier.”
“That’s wonderful to hear, especially since some have said you two rushed into marriage, and now into parenthood.”
“All I can say about that is when you find your soulmate, you just know. That's how it was when Blake and I met. We both knew almost instantly. And now, with the welcoming of our first child, we’re absolutely ecstatic and want to share our good fortune with others, which is where the idea for the Avonian Healthy Pregnancy Foundation came from. We realized early on how lucky we are to have the financial cushion, as well as my medical knowledge, which will allow me to have the healthiest pregnancy possible, filled with optimal nutrition for our baby’s developing brain, skeletal structure, musculature, etc.
“But sadly, that isn’t always the case. In fact, forty percent of pregnancies are not what we would call healthy, and as many as ninety percent aren’t what we’d call optimal, which is the type of pregnancy in which every bite counts and every precaution is taken."
"So, you're talking about obvious things like no alcohol, but even more so, I noticed a focus on your foundation's website about no sugar, and I'd like to ask a little bit more about that."
"Right. Sugar really is the enemy of a developing baby. A lot of mums give in to the cravings for sweets and absolutely bombard their developing baby with unhealthy fructose and glucose instead of making better choices, such as fresh fruits and vegetables, which provide the micro-nutrients needed to allow a child to develop to their maximum potential."
"Interesting. The website suggests removing all processed foods, prepackaged meals, fast food, sugar, and caffeine from your diet. A lot of mums-to-be may not like this message, Brooke.”
“Sometimes what’s right and what’s popular are vastly different. Far too many women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever they want whenever they want it, when in truth, pregnancy is the time to watch what you eat more carefully than ever.”
“And just look at you," Veronica says. “I can't even tell you’re pregnant."
"But I really am," Brooke says, sparking a fit of laughter from the two beautiful women.
Veronica smiles into the camera. “Brooke has some exciting news. As the ambassador for the Avonian Healthy Pregnancy Foundation, she’s going to be a guest on our show once each month leading up to the birth of her baby, which will be broadcast live on ABNC!”
“That’s right, Veronica. I want to show women out there how an optimal pregnancy will lead to an easy labour and delivery. We won’t actually show anything graphic, but you’ll be with me as I smoothly transition through the phases of labour and Blake and I welcome our child into the world.”
“Aren’t you at all worried about the birthing process being tougher than you imagine? I mean, this is your first baby.”
“I’m not worried at all. As a medical professional, I know that proper prenatal care makes labour and delivery a breeze,” Brooke says with a glowing smile.
“Wonderful. Well, who knows, Brooke? You may be leading the charge on a revolution in maternity care.”
“That’s my goal—to empower women everywhere to take control of their health rather than numb themselves with junk food, only to then require medication to get through delivery...”
Text from me to Nikki:Are you watching this crap?
Nikki:Yes, call me immediately.
"How obnoxious can that woman get?" I say as soon as Nikki answers the phone. I’m lying on the couch with Buckety and a box of crackers while Arthur is down at the gym working out.
“Her obnoxiousness knows no bounds.”
“And how is she possibly four months pregnant but not showing at all yet? I mean, I’ve been squinting at the screen the entire interview, and it looks like her stomach is actuallyconcave." I nibble on the corner of a saltine like Charlie Bucket having the tiniest bite of chocolate he bought with that dollar he found.
"Yes, there's something weird there,” Nikki says. “She probably hired a surrogate and will strap a pillow to her midsection in a couple of months. The phony bitch."
Nikki and I both laugh at the idea. When we’re done, I say, "It's so nice to have a snarky friend to share these moments with."
"Well, you can pretty much always count on me for some snark. And whenever there’s some pious bitch who needs to be made fun of, I’ll always be here for you."
