Not gone.Never gone.But they no longer had a stranglehold over her.
Fear was a funny beast.It was a necessary part of the human and Tuann condition.Without it, you made arrogant mistakes, thinking you were invincible when you were a mere ant in front of the cosmos.
Kira had served with a few people like that in the war.Those who had either lost or gone numb to fear.The ones who started to believe themselves invincible.Invariably, they were the ones who died first.Often in circumstances that could have been prevented with just a tiny bit of caution.
Yet too much fear was as dangerous as too little, crippling you before you ever made a move.
As with all things, it was a balancing act.
This situation had pressed on every one of Kira’s triggers.Every fear and concern that she thought she’d put behind her.
Her inner demons had shown up and shone out as a result.
Big time.
It was hard to think with them hammering at her skull, demanding action.In another time and space, a version of herself that was younger and slightly more impetuous would have been tempted to answer with violence.She would have used her primus to throw herself against these walls, over and over until either they broke—or she did.
Whichever came first.
Kira took a steadying breath.
Losing herself to grief and rage had already led to failing her friends once.Those who’d survived when the rest of the Curs hadn’t.
People like Raider and Blue.
Jin.
She wouldn’t go down that road again.As long as there was a single person alive whom she counted as hers, she would hold the course.She would be the Phoenix she needed to be and not fall apart.She’d be their strength in the same way they’d been hers when they’d dragged her back to the land of the living.
That’s what a leader would do.
It’s what her uncle would do.
Kira breathed, slow, rhythmic in and out to center herself.Until anxiety and fear no longer ruled her and she existed in a state of quiet contemplation.
Alone with her thoughts, Kira had time to consider.To think and plan so that when the walls of her cell peeled back to admit Graydon, she no longer felt like she was going to come out of her skin.This was the time for careful schemes.Not brute force.
Seeing her peacefully lying there, one of Graydon’s eyebrows quirked.“I must admit,coli—I wasn’t sure what I’d be walking into, but this is unexpected.”
There was a hint of amusement in his features as Kira sat up to swing her legs over the edge of the bed.
“Where is the chaos and rage I was expecting?”he asked.
“Would you rather I be in my primus form?You could step back out and I could commit a little mayhem and destruction if it makes you feel better.”
“No need.I quite like the feeling of being your hero,” Graydon drawled with a smirk that didn’t quite hide the worry lurking in his eyes.
Whatever was happening behind the scenes, it appeared to have taken a toll on her lover, leaving him almost, Kira dare say, apprehensive.
Surely not.
Not Graydon.A man who exerted control in all things.Almost to a pathological level.
Graydon dropped the teasing act as he brushed a caress along her cheek before sliding his hand to the back of her head to probe the tender spot there.“How are you holding up?”
Kira winced, pushing his hand away.“I’ve had better days.”
Graydon’s eyes were the color of storm clouds as he focused on her.Dark gray and turbulent.A rim of black lined the edges of his iris.
