Kira hesitated on the edge, before glancing at Finn. His blank, emotionless expression wasn't exactly a surprise. He did that a lot when others joined them, especially if it wasn't someone he knew or particularly trusted.
Since Loudon was House Roake and likely familiar to Finn, she suspected it was the latter. Still, the fact Finn hadn't already tried to stop her said he didn't think whatever Loudon wanted to show her was dangerous. That was something, at least.
Finally, Kira took a step, freezing as soon as her foot touched the water. It was like stepping into a pool of mild electricity. Her shoes were no impediment as she rode the line between discomfort and pain. A stinging awareness pricked her as her senses were thrown wide, every part of her on high alert.
She wavered between the need to step back and the desire to move forward as she wrestled with the uncomfortable sensation.
After a brief battle of wills, she forced herself forward, inching toward the cluster.
Once she neared him, Loudon inclined his head to her. "I apologize. I forgot the effect theetheirican have on the undisciplined mind."
Kira wasn't sure how to react to that statement. While his tone had been kind and understanding, his words suggested an insult.
In the end, she chose to do nothing, more interested in what he had to share than his hidden motivations.
"Here. Feel." Loudon set his hand on the small growth, his eyes sliding shut as his face relaxed, happiness and bliss on it.
Kira reached out, barely touching it. Warmth spread through her, a tight sensation in her chest gripped her heart as it overflowed with feelings.
Behind her eyelids, she caught a glimpse of a woman, her smile soft, love in her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder with a mischievous grin. Her hair was a riot of curls, reaching to her waist. It framed a heart-shaped face with a button nose. On both cheeks, symbols were painted in blue, seeming to add to her beauty rather than detract from it. She wore a loose, flowing dress that exposed the skin of her shoulders and arms before ending inches above her bare feet.
"Marielle," he whispered. His longing was easy to hear.
The feelings were too much. Kira stepped back. Her cheeks wet as she fought to untangle the riot of emotions, none of which were hers.
Loudon didn't move for several long seconds, still lost in the memory. Kira used the time to compose herself, her breathing returning to normal, and some of the emotions from the memory fading as he withdrew from the crystal.
His eyes were glassy with unshed tears as he folded his hands behind his back.
"My wife," he said in answer to the questions on Kira's face. "She was taken from me the same day your parents died."
"I'm sorry for your loss," Kira murmured. She gazed up at the crystal cluster, a grim feeling settling in her stomach. There must be thousands of columns. "Do these represent all those who died that day?"
Loudon nod was somber. "The Mea'Ave helps us remember the things that affect the collective. In time, when the sting of events fade, the columns will merge into one."
Kira gazed around the room, finally noticing other columns interspersed throughout the great cavern, their surface smooth, light refracting off them.
"Other times of tragedy for the Tuann," Loudon supplied, noticing where her attention had gone. "I wouldn't touch them, however. Their memories are chaotic. Only those who have practice can sort through them."
"People like you?" Kira asked.
Loudon inclined his head. "One of my duties is to interpret the histories written in our memories. It can take years to build up the discipline needed to unravel the tangled threads."
"Interesting," Kira said, gazing around.
She didn't know how she felt about the cluster and the memories encased within. On the one hand, being able to revisit a moment with your loved one would be a priceless gift. On the other, how were you to heal when constantly confronted with the memories of what you’d lost?
"Would you like to find your father's memories?" Loudon asked, his gaze shadowed.
Kira exhaled. "Somehow, I don't think that's a good idea."
Especially not in Loudon's company. He'd done nothing to arouse suspicion, but everything inside Kira rebelled at leaving herself so vulnerable in front of another.
It was surprising the depth of yearning she had for memories of a man she'd never met and never would. She'd thought she was over the phase where she wished for a family that would never come.
She liked to think she was strong. Resourceful. She didn't need a mother and father anymore. Either way, she doubted a few memories would fill the ache of their absence, anyway. They'd simply remind her of what had never been hers in the first place.
"You remind me of him," Loudon said.
