Shea frowned thoughtfully. "Once I thought I might, but truthfully it's a whole new type of adventure. I'll ride out again, but perhaps not for a short time."
Shea tilted her head to the right at a man who was readying his own horse. The mount was one Eva didn't recognize. It was stockier than the Trateri horses and its coat was thick and coarse.
"My cousin, Reece. He's a bit arrogant. Cocky for sure, and a general pest at the best of times, but he's nearly as good at pathfinding as me," Shea said without an ounce of humility.
Eva envied her the confidence. What must it be like to be so sure of yourself that you knew you were the best without ever needing proof from anyone else?
“That's very kind of you." It was the only polite response Eva could think of. She spent most of her time with horses. They didn't care if she was a bit rough around the edges, as long as she loved them.
Shea snorted, surprising Eva. "No, it's not. Don't let these Trateri get your head twisted. You're the one doing us the favor. If you come back with an alliance agreement, you will have accomplished something not even I could do."
Eva's lips parted as Shea's surprisingly intense hazel eyes met hers.
"I don't know if I can do this," Eva confessed. The expectations were huge. No one was saying anything, but Eva suspected the cost of failure might be the life she'd built among them. She wasn't sure anything was worth risking that.
The Battle Queen sobered. "Don't look at it as something you can or can't do. Look at it as getting to know a winged form of horse. Something wondrous and unique. After which, you will be the only human alive with the experience."
"You're asking me to go somewhere no one I know has ever been." It was a lot, if Eva was being honest. And she'd promised herself she'd always be honest with herself, even if no one else would. She was tired of lies and half-truths.
She also knew herself. She lacked Shea's sense of adventure.
"True," Shea agreed.
"What if I fail? I could lose everything," Eva said. There was an ache in her voice. She cleared her throat trying to get rid of it. The last thing she wanted was for Shea to know the full extent of her self-doubt.
"I'll let you in on a little secret. I've failed so spectacularly in the past that my own people turned from me," Shea said with a small smile.
Eva stared at her. It didn't seem possible.
"The Trateri were my second, possibly third, chance. Failure is always a possibility, and I won't lie and say the consequences might not be high," Shea said. "But if you fall, you pick yourself back up. It's the only way for people like us to be. But I think you know that already."
Eva rubbed her palms on her pants and licked her lips.
Shea stepped closer, "You left your past behind for a chance to remake yourself. I know it's not easy. Gods above know it wasn't for me either. There were times I thought I regretted my decision. Times where I was hard-pressed to stay, when I wanted to leave."
Shea glanced around the bustling camp, nostalgia in her expression. "It was worth testing my boundaries and finding a reason to stay."
Shea's words touched the part of Eva she kept shielded and closed off, for fear of being hurt.
"Now, let me look over your mount," Shea said, changing the topic. "I want to make sure you have everything you need."
Eva stepped aside, shooting an uncertain look at the Anateri as Shea busied herself checking the straps and packs Eva had just finished checking.
Both men held her gaze with inscrutable expressions, their thoughts guarded behind granite-hard expressions.
"There, that should do it," Shea said, sounding out of breath.
Eva looked back to find Shea slipping a piece of soap, a small bundle of rope and a new flint set into her pack. She started to speak, but the friendlier looking of Shea's guards shook his head slightly.
"Let her do it," he murmured.
Eva bit back her instant objection. Accepting help was never something Eva had been good at. Perhaps it was because help had so rarely been offered. It had left her self-reliant to a fault.
"Cousin, I see even your large belly couldn't keep you away. Where is your overbearing warlord?" a man asked with a wicked smile.
Shea surprised Eva with a growl and a glare aimed at the man. "Keep talking, and perhaps he'll surprise you."
"Why is it you resemble the barbarians more and more each day?" he asked, leading his horse near.
