Whatever relationship they might have had would be over before it started—ended because of her duty to another.
Eva bent her head, rubbing her forehead tiredly.
Shea stirred. "Give us the room."
The clan leaders and the pathfinder's guildmaster stood and filed out. Fallon lingered, shooting a look at his Battle Queen.
"I'll be fine," Shea told him, setting one hand on his.
He didn’t look happy as he paced out of the room, taking a sizable chunk of the atmosphere with him.
Shea flicked a glance at Ajari and Orion. "You two, as well."
Caden was the last to leave, shooting her an unreadable glance before slipping out and closing the door behind him.
When they were alone, Shea collapsed back into her chair with a relieved sigh. "Whew, I thought this meeting would never end."
Eva didn't know what to say to that.
Eventually, Shea sat forward and rubbed her back. "I'd recognize that look anywhere. You feel your world spiraling out of control and are helpless to do anything about it."
"I imagine most people feel like that at one point or another."
Shea's smile conceded Eva's point. "Very true. I remember that feeling when Fallon found out who I am. I also remember the moment I decided to stay with him, and the loss I felt because I knew I was giving up many of the things I'd worked my entire life for."
"Do you regret it?" Eva asked.
Shea rubbed her belly, a thoughtful look on her face. "Sometimes. My life would be very different had I chosen another path. Not better necessarily, but definitely different. I'm happy with where I ended up." She gestured to the surrounding room.
Shea's situation was a little different than Eva's. She'd chosen Fallon over her duty. Love instead of her people.
Eva was being faced with choosing duty over the potential for something more.
"I had to compromise," Shea said as if reading her thoughts. "I've never been one who had a strong calling. I loved pathfinding and I was good at it, but in the end, there will always be other pathfinders. There was only one Fallon and only he could accomplish what he’d set out to do."
Shea shifted in the seat again, trying to get comfortable despite the very pregnant belly making that difficult.
"It's not either or, you know," Shea said, smoothing a hand over her stomach. "I chose love once, and then duty when I faced the Badlands with little hope of returning." Her smile was pained as if nightmares haunted the edges. "You have to decide which is more important to you in this moment and hope that when the dice roll again, you'll get a chance at another choice."
"You think I should do it," Eva accused.
Shea shook her head. "I think you need to decide what you want and how you're going to get it. Two paths lay before you."
"If I don't do this, the Kyren won't choose another," Eva said stubbornly.
Shea lifted a shoulder. "That won't be your problem. It’s ours. We've come this far without them. No reason we need them now."
But they did need them. It was the only reason they were having this conversation.
"Think it over," Shea advised. "You don't need to decide now."
"If I go, I'll never be one of the Trateri," Eva said.
They would never fully accept her.
Shea leaned her head back. "Neither will I. Sometimes being part of the crowd is overrated. I've always preferred the ones who forge their own path. The Trateri might say one thing, but I think in many ways, they're like me. They respect the odd, brave idiots who throw society’s arbitrary rules out the window."
Maybe some of them. Those like Fiona and Hanna, Ollie and Hardwick. She could see them understanding. But the Trateri as a whole? Who could say?
