Through it all, Nathan remained motionless. I couldn’t help but be impressed by his discipline. Me,I’d had to change position a half-dozen times since I got here, while Nathan remained a rock, like one of those ascetic monks who put their bodies through extremes in the pursuit of holiness.
“You’re wasting your time,” he finally said when it became clear I wasn’t giving up.
“It’s my time to waste.” I sat up and leaned back against the wall. A chair would have been nice right about now.
He bared his teeth at me.“Go.”
I snorted.“We both know you’re not going to hurt me.”
His fangs were at my throat in an instant as his body hovered over mine. My heart gave a painful thump. He’d gotten faster. In all our training sessions he’d never moved like that. It was like watching a snake strike. You could feel it coming but you couldn’t get out of the way in time.
I had to wonder if he’d been holding back this entire time, or if this was a side effect of Niamh’s tinkering.
I didn’t move, refusing to show any signs of fear. That’s what he wanted. This was a carefully calculated move to drive me away. As someone who’d perfected such methods against her family, I recognized it for the posturing it was.
“You done?” I asked.
“I can feel your heart racing,” he said, his voice silky, a threat on his face that wasn’t Nathan.“You can pretend all you want, but we both know I terrify you now.”
I raised an eyebrow.“You think you didn’t terrify me before?”
He drew back, just the faintest bit, enough so he could watch me through wounded eyes, his expression unsure.
I gave him a sad smile.“All vampires terrify me, Nathan. A vampire just like you killed me, ripped me out of my former life. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Worse, I participated, giving myself over to the pleasure of his bite. Because it felt good. Because it was easy.”
He sat back on his heels. There was understanding there. And regret.
I’d take it, even if his sentiments were due to my revelation.
“Thomas may not have been fully in control of his actions because of his curse, but that doesn’t mean I don’t relive that night again and again in my dreams,” I told him softly, as I shared something I didn’t like to admit to anyone.
All makings were traumatic, but for Nathan and Liam, and all the rest, the intervening centuries had blunted their memories. For me, the night of my rebirth was still visceral and real. I could close my eyes and be there again, watching as my life drained away, not lifting a hand to stop it.
To make matters worse, my making was more violent than most. I had Sarah’s curse on Thomas to thank for that.
“Why are you really in here?” I asked.
He looked away, his jaw tightening stubbornly.
I waited.
After a long moment, he rubbed his forehead. His voice was faint, as if he didn’t want to tempt fate by voicing his thoughts aloud.“What if they’re wrong? What if there’s still some suggestion hidden in there, just waiting?”
Suddenly I understood why he was punishing himself with this place. It wasn’t because he felt guilt, althoughI’m sure that was some of it. It was because he didn’t trust himself anymore, didn’t trust it was only him driving his actions.
I blinked and took a deeper look at him, searching for any faint shadows or any suggestion of influence that didn’t belong.
There was nothing, just Nathan’s power fluttering like a banked fire on a cold winter’s night.
“You’re clear,” I told him.
He snorted, a little of the old Nathan coming through.“Sorry, A, but there’s no way for you to know that.”
I debated how much of the truth to give him.
“I can. I can see magic,” I said.
My admission wasn’t going to please Liam or Thomas, but if it would help Nathan come to terms with what had happened, it was a secret I was glad to part with.
