Shea frowned after him. “It’s not my fault heleft you behind.”
Buck dropped the kindling rather loudly nextto the rest and walked back to the forest line. Shea trailed behindhim.
“Someone had to stay behind and keep watch onyour dumb ass.”
Shea was really getting tired of being calleddumb. She’d had one brief moment in battle when she’d gotten lostin thought. Yes, it was admittedly not her smartest move. One thatcould have gotten her killed.
Regardless, she thought she’d proven by thispoint that she wasn’t stupid. One unguarded moment shouldn’t undoall of the other times she’d come through for them.
“Eamon could have taken both of us along,”she pointed out coolly.
He barked a dry laugh. “Not likely. If hecan’t trust you, he doesn’t have much use for you.”
Shea snorted. “What has he been doing allthis time, then? It’s not like he knew me in the beginning, and yetI managed to get you guys to your rendezvous. Now all of a suddenmy job depends on trust. That’s convenient.”
“You were an unknown entity then. Someone wedidn’t trust or distrust, and if you recall, you didn’t getanywhere near a map until after the shadow beetles.”
He had a point there.
“A squad like ours is dependent on the bondof trust between every person on the team. When that bond isbroken, it places everybody in danger.”
Shea had never trusted her companions. “Noneof you have ever made a mistake while in the field? I’m not proudthat I lost focus out there, but it’s hardly a reason to imply I’mno longer dependable. The only person whose life I put in dangerwas my own.”
“Wrong. If you had fallen, Eamon would havebroken the line trying to save you. I would have followed becausehe’s my comrade and friend. Clark might’ve followed because heworships Eamon. That’s three lives that would have been in dangerdue to your carelessness. Not to mention the others because wewould have left a hole in their defenses.”
Shea hadn’t thought of it that way. She wasso used to acting on her own and only being able to count onherself that she had never considered how her actions might impactothers.
“Just now’s the first time you’ve evenadmitted that you might have been wrong. Instead, you shut all ofus out and acted like a sulky, spoiled child. Making a mistakeisn’t the problem; not owning up to it is. We don’t need someonewho’s unable to acknowledge their flaws.”
Shea didn’t have a response for that andbusied herself gathering the rest of the wood. Having said hispiece, Buck stalked off taking his kindling with him.
After she gathered enough wood for severalfires, Shea sought out another task and then another after thatuntil night fell.
Shea didn’t want to admit that Buck mighthave been slightly correct in his assessment. It had been so longsince she’d been accepted or trusted by the people she led, that atthe first sign of criticism, she shut down.
Even when Eamon and the other three rode backinto camp, she kept to herself. Taking her dinner and leaving thecomfort of the firelight to eat in solitude in the darkness.
Perhaps it was best to end things here beforeshe got more involved. She’d never been particularly good atrelating to others. Seemed things hadn’t changed.
She should continue with her original planand look for her chance to slip away.
That night, she fought the sense of piercingloneliness as she stared up at the millions of tiny lights dottingthe sky. Rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes and toldherself she was okay with things. She didn’t need to rely or berelied on by the people around her. Things were fine just the waythey were.
The next day Shea kept away from Eamon andthe others, helping Perry’s men pack up the camp and then slippingin with his men as they moved out. Eamon, Buck and the others fellin at the back of the convoy.
Clark appeared beside her not long after theywere under way, chattering nonstop. Shea gave noncommittal gruntsduring pauses in the conversation.
She covered a yawn. She hadn’t gotten a verygood night’s sleep, and her eyes stung from the lack of rest.
The third time she nearly cracked her jaw ona yawn, Clark handed her a peeled stick.
“What’s this?”
“It’s yarrow root.”
That meant nothing to Shea.
She shook her head at him.
