She was so preoccupied with going unnoticed that she almost didn’t spot Clark where he stood, staring out one of the archways into the courtyard where a group of young men and women were listening to an old man.
Curious, Shea walked over, noting the fascination on her young friend’s face.
“You can go out there, you know,” she suggested.
His gaze was startled as it lifted to hers. She gave him a reassuring smile and nodded at the group who held his attention.
He straightened his shoulders and drew his thin frame upright. “I’m sure they wouldn’t welcome an interruption.”
He looked away, affecting a nonchalance. Shea frowned. That wasn’t a response the Clark of old would have given. That version had been filled with boundless enthusiasm. He was almost like a puppy, energetic and eager to please, and not yet acquainted with the notion that some wouldn’t welcome his interest.
“I know Seth. He wouldn’t say no to anybody with a genuine interest in the subject material,” Shea said, her voice coaxing.
“I think it’s best if I just watch from here,” Clark said, his jaw tightening as he visibly withdrew into himself.
Shea moved around so she could see his face. She studied him, her arms crossed over her chest as she gave him a thoughtful look.
She’d thought before they got here that a little bit of her old friend was coming through, but it seemed that had just been temporary. Perhaps it had been a reaction to the danger they’d faced. Now, he was back to being as withdrawn and sullen as he had been before.
“What’s this really about?” Shea asked.
He jerked his shoulders up.
His refusal to answer or interact would have hurt more if she thought it was just directed at her, but she’d spoken with others. He was doing this with everybody. It wasn’t healthy, and if it continued it would make it just that much harder for him to come back to them.
She knew how guilt could eat at you, how it could fester and rot everything that was good inside. If Fallon had taught her anything, it was that guilt and self-pity were useless emotions. It was a wound that you had to lance to begin the healing process.
Just like that, she decided he’d had long enough to dwell and sulk. “Don’t give me that. I talked with Eamon and Buck before he left. Both said you haven’t spoken to them either.”
His head jerked up and the glare he aimed at her contained a heat she hadn’t known him capable of. “There’s nothing of import that I need to say. Telroi.”
Shea’s lips tightened at the way he’d used her title like it was a curse designed to hurt. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that he’d had the rug pulled out from under him and been betrayed by one he counted as friend.
Reasoning with him wasn’t going to work. Demanding that he stop acting like a child wouldn’t either.
“Fine, then as your Telroi, I’m ordering you to get out there and learn something useful,” she said, her eyes narrowed and her words cutting. “We’re not here to take in the sights. We’re here because everything we love and have worked for is in danger. Now, pay attention and keep your ear to the ground. I’ll expect you to give a report to either myself or Eamon every morning while we’re here.”
His eyes widened as his mouth dropped open. There was a scruff of a boot from behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder to find Trenton giving him a neutral look.
Clark’s mouth snapped shut on whatever he’d been about to say. He might court disrespect when it was just him and Shea, but the Anateri’s presence instilled a sense of self-preservation that might have been missing otherwise.
“As the telroi wishes,” Clark said between gritted teeth.
The telori did not so wish, but she couldn’t relent now that the order was out and witnessed. Not without making herself appear weak.
Sometimes, it sucked when being a good friend meant you had to be a bastard.
She waved a hand in dismissal. Clark ducked his head and walked past her out into the sunny courtyard. She watched as Seth saw him, his face lighting up as he gestured for Clark to join him. The students made room for him to sit among them, their faces mildly suspicious but not hostile.
“He’ll recover in time,” Trenton said. “It’s not easy for him right now.”
Shea almost let the statement pass, but something in his words made her think there was more he wasn’t telling her.
“What do you mean?” Shea asked.
Trenton scratched his chin. “The others know how close he was to Charles. They weren’t just friends, they were namaka.”
Shea’s face creased in question at the word. She’d never heard it before.
