Thank God this isn’t weird. Not that I’d been worried it would be, but Giles has every right to act a little strangely with me after I basically propositioned him in the rudest, most impersonal of ways.
I think we should fuck…
There’s this guy…
At swimming training…
I cringe at myself and I’m lucky that I’m reaching the end of my reps so Giles won’t even think anything of it.
I’ve been cringing all week. Cringing and hoping it wouldn't be weird once Giles and I went training again. And it’s not weird. I’m relieved about that.
And yet I’m not completely at peace with the situation either. Because I still have a problem I need to solve. A problem that only gets bigger, literally, as I feel Giles step closer to me as he spots my weighted squats, which are getting increasingly wobblier. The front of his legs and torso don’t quite touch mine, but I can feel him all the same. My body temperature increases. My pulse pounds harder in my ears. Which makes no sense because I’m also aware of blood rushing away from my head and to my…
“Cazzo,” I grit out as I push up against what feels like all the weight in the world.
“Fifteen!” Giles counts and he brings his hands to the bar next to mine and helps me rack it up. I then expect him to step back, maybe move to thefront of me, either way to give me space, but he doesn’t. He lingers behind me and pats me on the back.
“Well done,” he says. “That was impressive, especially after being sick this week.”
“It was just some food poisoning,” I say and decide the best thing I can do is move myself so I duck under the bar and then turn back to face Giles. I pat my stomach. “That will teach me for ordering a dodgy kebab after swimming training.”
“Ah, yes, swimming training,” he says as he keeps his hands on the bar and leans towards me. This position emphasises every single swell of every single muscle in his arms. And it makes me realise Giles doesn’t have any under arm hair and I find myself inexplicably drawn to that, to wondering what he smells like there, what he even tastes like. “How’s that going?”
I’m relieved I can answer this honestly, because I did at least start swimming training this week.
“It was… okay,” I reply. “As I expected, I’m the worst in the group by a long shot, but nobody laughed at me and I didn’t drown so I will take that as a positive.”
“You didn’t know this last week?”
I stop blinking, realising how badly I just put my foot in it. “That was my trial lesson. I wasn’t with the group I’m in now.”
“Ah, I see,” he nods, “and does that mean you’re not in the same group as Mr Speedos?”
He winks at me and I’m completely flummoxed. Mr Speedos?
“The guy you think you have a possible thing for,” he prompts in a lowered voice.
“Oh, yeah, him,” I say and while I fight the grimace I want to make, I don’t fight the internal berating I give myself. All these lies. It’s not easy to keep on top of them. Especially not with my brain. “He’s still there, but not in my group, no.”
“And you still…” Giles releases the bar, dips under it and steps in front of me. “You still think you feel something for him?”
I hold Giles’ gaze so I don’t drop my eyes down his body, taking in his sculpted shoulders, the way his vest clings to his pectorals, the stretch of his shorts over his thick quads and the inviting smoothness of his hairless legs. Hmm, turns out I didn’t need to look at it. It’s all stored in 4-fucking-D in my mind’s eye.
“Yeah, I think so,” I answer, the note of defeat audible in my voice.
Giles’ eyes dart left and right, as if checking who’s close by, and then he takes a half-step closer. “I’ve been thinking about that.”
“About Mr Speedos?”
“Yes, well, no. Not him specifically, more about your… situation.”
Oh God, no.I don’t want to talk about this with Giles again. It was mortifying enough the first time. I’ve only just recovered. I can’t face another week or more of cringing every time I remember what I said.
“Oh, forget it!” I say, waving my hand around. “I was an idiot. I thought we established that?”
“We did?”
“Yeah,” I say and take a drink from my bottle of water. “And if we didn’t then, I am reiterating it now.”
